


There Are Reasons.

by Ill_be_a_knight



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Aurora Sinistra is as good as an OC, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Enemies to Friends, Established Relationship, Fantasizing, Fantasy, Flashbacks, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Mild Sexual Content, Multi, POV Multiple, POV Third Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-traumatic flashbacks, Pro Snape, References to Depression, Secret Relationship, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Swearing, no endearments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:40:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29115381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ill_be_a_knight/pseuds/Ill_be_a_knight
Summary: There are reasons that Severus Snape is the person he is. Reasons that very few people truly understood.To Severus, in his eyes, the light side was the dark side. He is a first-class arsehole. But you can learn to understand him without excusing him. Learn to empathise..With a little help from the astronomy professor, Lupin learns to understand the Slytherin. Against his will, a mixture of old feelings towards the potions master arise. But will they be returned?~~
Relationships: Aurora Sinistra/Severus Snape, Remus Lupin/Severus Snape, Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own HP merch, nothing more.
> 
> When this is finished, I MIGHT write some side stories to this. which will be E rated ;) if you catch my drift.
> 
> Not canon compliment. Not totally AU.
> 
> I know Sinistra is a Slytherin in canon but I write her as Hufflepuff - well, I try to. I don't do it very well in this story lol. She's a bit of mean Hufflepuff in this one - but look at Zacharias Smith he is a right wanker of a Hufflepuff.  
> Well, you might think she's mean. I see her as protective and loyal as fuck to the man she loves. She is determined and kind to those who deserve it.
> 
> I just love Hufflepuff and Slytherin relationships! That's why I make her a Hufflepuff.
> 
> I only intended this to be a one or two chapter 5k word story.

**_“We aren’t our mistakes. It’s what we do about the mistake that shows who we are.” R.Galbraith._ **

There are reasons that Severus Snape hated Remus Lupin. Reasons that nobody knows. Nobody but Remus Lupin (and one other.) There are reasons that Severus Snape is the person he is. Reasons that very few people truly understood.

Snape sat, his eyes stared down the table; face twisted in loathing at the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. To on-lookers, they would probably assume it was because he didn't get the D.AD.A job, _again._ But Lupin knew better. He knew why he received this look of anger and loathing. He avoided Snape's death glares as much as he could, and yet, after seventeen years, he yearned to talk to the Slytherin.

The talk, laughter and the clatter of knives and forks of the Great Hall fell on deaf ears as Lupin shovelled forkfuls of mashed potato and pie into his mouth as gracefully as he could; this was the first proper meal he had had in weeks, probably months. He had nearly finished his second helping of pumpkin tart when Dumbledore dismissed the hall off to bed, to get rest for lessons to start the next day. He scraped the last helping into his mouth, swallowed then rose to leave through the teacher's door.

'Severus?' called The Gryffindor through the rush of teachers that were standing, talking, and heading to the door, slowly; but Snape too fast for him and was gone.

\---

Snape dreaded seeing the werewolf again. And, yet, there he sat, in his extremely shabby set of robes that had been darned in several places. His lip curled at the man, as though he had just smelled something awful.

Snape took a pitiful bite of the pie as thoughts he hadn't thought off in years began to resurface.

The golden plate of hardly eaten pie melted into the table and replaced with pumpkin tart. Snape picked up a spoon and took a small mouthful, his eyes narrowed as he looked blankly over the hall.

He blamed Slughorn. It was Slughorns fault why he and Lupin despised each other - or, at least, why he hated Lupin. _He_ was the one who paired them in potions in the middle of their fourth year. Lupin was not the best in the class at potions, Snape was one of the best, and Slughorn wanted him away from his friends as they were a regular distraction. Snape thought the pairing would be finished when year four did. Unfortunately, it continued into the fifth year. Lupin wasn't the best, but he also wasn't the worst. He could count, and he knew clockwise from anti-clockwise, so he came in useful for stirring. At the start of June in year four, Slughorn had assigned them to study the plants needed for certain potions. The week before term ended, they were to go and forage for said plants and see how many they could find in the grounds; during the daytime and again at night time. The pair who identified the most won a prize - they had a week to complete it.

_'Here. Look. I_ think _I have found Asphodel.'_

_Snape went over to the Gryffindor to see what he had found. For a fleeting moment, his lips twitch, as though he was going to smile, then he took a knee to the ground._

_'Asphodel,' Snape spoke softly; almost as if he was talking to himself. 'Member of the Lily family, white and pointed flowers,' the Slytherin's long fingers touched the flower as though it was as fragile as a snowflake, 'long and slender leaves.' He trailed the outline of a leaf._

_'Used for?' He asked._

_Snape looked up when Lupin did not directly answer him and raised an expectant eyebrow._

_'Oh- er - Polyjuice Potion?'_

_The Lumos outlined Lupin's tall, broad and lean body. Shadows danced over his lightly scarred face, and his hazel eyes sparkled. Snape, instinctively, gave a small nod of approval, a flicker of a smile and thought that he isn't as stupid as he makes out. Lupin presented a modest smile._

(...)

_'YOU DID NOTHING!' Snape bellowed._

_'I'm sorry' Lupin called desperately, his eyes threatened to cry._

Snape was pulled from his flashbacks by a gentle squeeze to his right thigh, the touch made his legs jump and his muscles tense for a moment. He turned his head, and caramel coloured eyes penetrated his.

_'Are you ok?.' A soft voice entered his mind._

_'Yes. I am fine.'_

_'Good. Then eat some bloody food!'_

The hand on his thigh rub it gently a few times then pulled back.

After Dumbledore's speech, he was the first teacher to rise and leave, followed closely by Aurora Sinistra, a tall, dark-skinned Hufflepuff who taught Astronomy.

'Severus?' He heard the werewolf call but ignored him and continued to his chambers.

\--

Lupin laid in bed and stared up into the darkness. Being back at Hogwarts flooded him with forgotten memories. Some of the most joyful times of his life were at Hogwarts.

The time James figured out he was a werewolf, and instead of telling everyone, he embraced it and helped him. When they all sat by the great lake, on a warm spring day, to study. When they would skim pebbles over the glistening water, or just sat and watch the giant squid waving its tentacles out of the water. Them teasing him how he was paired with Snape in potions, _'Be careful not to touch him, Remus, you might catch something.'_ They, including Remus, all laughed. Him saying, after they had been partners for a couple of months, that he really wasn't that bad. Them then taunting him after that he 'fancied' the Slytherin and, Remus, playing along with the joke _'Haha very funny. Wankers!_ ' whilst he blushed furiously in the shadows of his bed.  
When, near the end of his fourth year, he accidentally overheard James wanking in bed. And, for weeks, all he could think about was James wanking and the sounds he made. Lupin imagined what it would feel like to have his hand stroke James' cock. Sometimes, whilst Lupin wanked, messy jet black-haired, hazel eyes James morphed into long jet black-haired, grey-eyed Sirius, who morphed into long jet black-hair, black-eyes potions partner. That was when he realised that he might be bisexual or gay.

Not only has Hogwarts been the home of a lot of happy memories, but it was also the home of a lot of his first; his first time he rode a broomstick. The first time he made friends. The first time he _never_ went without a proper meal. The first time he never felt like an outcast. The first time he transformed and his friends were there to help it be less painful. The first time he kissed a girl. The first time he kissed a boy. The first time he had sex. The first time he felt deep feelings for another. The first time he fucked up. The first time where he felt truly ashamed of himself. He closed his eyes, and his mind shifted to Snape and some memories of the two from when they were made potion partners.

_'Where the hell were you the other day? Skiving? AGAIN,' Snape snapped, in Potions._

_'Sorry. I was sick. Ask Madam Pompfry is you don't believe me!' Lupin frowned._

_'You seem to be sick an awful lot,_ Lupin _!' He eyed him sceptically._

_(...)_

_'What is your excuse this time?' Snape said_ casually _without looking up when the Gryffindor reached their station._

_'Sorry, my mother was sick, and she needed me.' He said, quietly, as he dropped his bag from his shoulder and sat._

_Snape snorted indignantly but left it at that because he went to the cupboard to collect what they needed._

_(...)_

_'God, I hate this!' Snape moaned while he set up their work station. They had been partners a few months and still complained he had to have a partner._

_Despite the animosity between Snape, James and Sirius, Snape didn't seem to be_ as _bad with Lupin. Sure, he delivered in little digs about the Gryffindor's incompetents at potions. Snapped when Lupin sliced instead of diced, and often ignored Lupin's suggestions, but, the Slytherin didn't actively show malice towards him._

_'Why do you hate it so much? You are a great partner.' Lupin said lightly, the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, his cheeks coloured hard. 'Well - er - what I mean is that my marks have improved a lot in the months that you've been my partner.'_

_Snape grunted, 'That, Lupin, is because most of it is my work!' he said casually._

_'Don't worry, Severus, the term is nearly up, then you can go back to working on your own.'_

_Snape scoffed as he laid out the last of the ingredients. Lupin gave an unseen smile to his partner who had expertly lined up all the things needed, in perfect order too when they would be required for the potion they were about to make._

Lupin smirked fondly at the memory and wondered if Snape still did this. As he laid there, he tried to remember how they went from being potion partners sending one-sided digs to lovers, but he failed to recognise when, it just sort of - happened.

The last pleasant memory he thought off, before he fell asleep, happened on the same day things started to fuck up.

_'I really like you, Severus,' Lupin said as he laid on the bed with the morning sun filtering in through the curtains, in this unknown room. Snape, who had just zipped up his trousers, paused and looked up._

_'Don't let your friends hear you say that,' he said earnestly._

_Lupin let out a small laugh, 'I'm not scared of them,' he lied. And Snape arched an eyebrow, clearly not fooled by this lie.  
_

_Lupin rose from the bed, walked to Snape, tugged him in by the waist, then kissed him with a passion he hadn't kissed Snape with before. It was slow, soft, and hot. The kiss took Snape by surprise, though he soon melted into it and returned it with equal intensity._

_Lupin pulled back for air, a string of saliva connected the two until it broke, and said, 'I mean it. I like you a lot.' He smiled with hooded eyes, the Slytherin coloured but said nothing back._

\--

Snape laid in Sinistra's bed, his hands behind his bed; Sinistra already asleep, going by her soft snores.

Through the gap in the curtain, he stared at the silver glow of the half-moon and tried to remember how the fuck it happened, he _hated_ the bastard; then and now. He doesn't even remember _when_ he started to fancy Lupin, or if he ever did, let alone how they started.

Though, one thing he would never forget was the first time he had sex. Lupin had taken him to a room he did not know off. It was awkward, and even though Lupin was careful, it was painful and not as enjoyable as he imaged it would be. When Lupin finally pushed past Snape's resistance, Lupin lasted thirty seconds before he came, and Snape was thankful for it. It took a few times for him to properly enjoy it, where pain turned into pleasure.

_'How do you feel?'_

_'Sore! I won't be able to sit down for a week!' Snape overemphasized._

_'I've read it gets better - easier. And that you will love it,' Lupin replied, but Snape was unconvinced._

His face turned to Sinistra, who was catching flies and dribbling and smiled to himself. She was two years older than Snape and knew his history, though, she had never judged him. She understood him, understood the whys - Not that she thought he was always a nice man, thought that he could be a total arsehole to the students, and often told him that, but she still understood. She knew more about him than any person alive, except, maybe, Dumbledore.

They had been partners for about six years. Most of the teachers knew of them. Though, outside of his or her chambers, you would not guess at all that they were involved.

Save at mealtimes where they sat next to each other like they had done since he started Hogwarts, you would not generally see them together. She had known from the start that he had had a relationship with a man. That his first relationship had been with a man, though it only lasted about six months. Snape insisted that he was not gay, that he actually was bisexual, but he favoured women more than men.

As he thought about him and Sinistra, he fell into slumber. But his night would be invaded by a montage of dreams, images he hadn't seen in at least a decade; dreams he would not remember when he awoke.

_'You incompetent halfwit! I can't leave you alone for five minutes!' Snape yelled, inches away from Lupin after, with a lazy wave of his wand, he had cleaned up the mess Lupin had made from the melted cauldron._

_A week into November, he and Lupin had gone to an empty classroom so Lupin could catch up on some work; because he had missed_ another  _lesson. And Snape insisted that this time, Lupin did the work he missed. He had gotten away with missing too many lessons, and he had had enough._

_'Yeah, well, if you read the right instruction -' he shouted back, and Snape looked highly offended._

_'I DID READ -'_

_Hands quickly clasped the side of Snape's face, and warm, hungry lips kissed the Slytherin's warm, shocked lips. Snape stood paralysed, and, after what appeared like an existence, Snape responded._

_'No!' he yelled and pulled away, his breathing uneven. Lupin stepped back to give him some room. There was a heavy silence for what seemed to go on forever. The Slytherin's black eyes locked onto the Gryffindor's greenish-brown eyes. He looked at Lupin like he was trying to study him and his intentions, trying to see if this was some cruel prank thought up by Black and Potter; Lupin looked at him with hunger._

_(...)_

_'YOU DID NOTHING!' Snape bellowed._

_(...)_

_'What's wrong with you?' Snape asked his eyes narrowed heavily with suspicion. Lupin had been absent again._

_'Nothing.' Lupin gave a nervous laugh._

_'Yeah, well, I don't believe you. Something is wrong for you to be sick_ every month. And I'm going to find out what it is, **'** Snape said quietly.

 **'** _Why can't you just trust my word!' Lupin all but shouted._

_(...)_

_'YOU DID NOTHING!' Snape bellowed._

_'I'm sorry' Lupin called desperately, his eyes threatened to cry._

_(...)_

_Snape laid naked next to Lupin, a thin, cotton sheet up to their hips, both sated and panted hard. Lupin rolled on his side to face the young Slytherin._

_'What are your plans for Christmas?' He asked a hand rested on his chest._

_Snape, stared at the ceiling, just shrugged._

_(...)_

_'I don't want to see you as long as I live!' He said coldly._

_'No. Please, don't ... pleeeease.' Lupin pleaded, sounding like a pathetic fool begging for his life. He clutched onto Snape's wrist, but the Slytherin pulled out of his grip fast as though something repulsive had just touched him._

_'Do not touch me!' Snape spat, but Lupin reached out again, and Snape took a step back._

_'You will never touch me again,' he enunciated each word clearly._

_He left the room as the Gryffindor fell to his knees with his face in his hands, shuddering but making no noise._

Snape was rudely shaken from his sleep when a beam of bright September sun streamed straight onto him. He squeezed his eyes tighter, 'Fucking hell!' he grumbled as he quickly turned over out of the direct light of the sun.

'Good morning,' the Hufflepuff said, pleasantly, as she pulled the second curtain open.

Snape grunted in response. A few minutes later, he pushed himself up to sit against the headboard, his pale chest dusted with dark curls on display and blinked his eyes awake.

'Here.' And she handed him a mug she had prepared on her dressing table. 'Here's your coffee,' she said. He took it gratefully and hummed at the first sip. Sinistra went and sat on the edge of her side of the bed.

'What time is it?' he said through a stifled yawn, a few sips later.

'Seven,' she replied coolly.

The duo sat and drank their drinks in comfortable silence, it was a few minutes before Sinsitra spoke.

'You had a restless night,' she said with a hint of concern in her voice. Her eyes glanced from her tea up to the Slytherin.

'Did I?' Snape said indifferently.

'Yeah,' She gave her tea a lazy stir, then placed the teaspoon on the bedside unit. 'You woke me a couple of times tossing and turning. Are you ok?'

'Sorry. I am fine. I had no nightmares - That I know off.' And they drunk in quietness.

'How about, _Professor Snape_ ,' she spoke after she finished her tea and set it aside. 'We skip breakfast,' she said suggestively, took off her dark green, silk dressing-gown and crawled across the bed.

Snape rose an interested brow, smirked, and blindly placed his mug on the bedside unit without a second thought.

'And do something more ... enjoyable?' She pulled down the sheet, then mounted his naked lap, his palms gripped her hips, and she kissed him eagerly.

'Hmmm. Now, that, _Professor_ _Sinistra_ ,' his voice like honey spoke against her lips, 'sounds like a plan.' Snape swatted her dark, bare arse, and flipped them both over; Sinistra let out an excited squeal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 2 - Sinistra isn't all that she seems
> 
> Kudos, comment and share :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lupin finds that Sinistra isn't all that she seems. That she has a darker side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been crapping myself about writing this. Each chapter gets harder. So forgive me if it is not what you expected.
> 
> I had a mini heart attack earlier. The program I'm using to write crashed and wouldn't let me on. I feared it would delete the 3.3k word chapter 3! Thank Merlin it didn't.

Lupin enjoyed being back at Hogwarts, most the staff got on well with him. He tried, in vain, to talk to Snape but every time Lupin arrived, Snape left. And, quite frankly, it was starting to piss him off. All because of something that happened seventeen years ago!

When he came back to Hogwarts, he had hoped that Snape had put it all behind him, that they could start afresh. He was clearly wrong. 

Snape _hated_ him.

And after a few months back, he was starting to dislike him in return, starting to remember the Snape at school that he didn't like. The Snape who hung around with nasty Slytherins, the Snape who loved Dark Magic.

He knew small details of Snape's past post-Hogwarts, him turning to the dark side. Dumbledore trusted him beyond _anyone_ , so that was enough for Lupin to trust him too; despite his building dislike to the man.

He had noticed that he hadn't talked to Professor Sinistra since he started. She never seemed to want to be alone in the same room as him for too long. If he approached her, in the staffroom, she would get up and leave. He knew not all of the teachers agreed with Dumbledore in hiring him, and it appears that Sinistra was one of them.

In his private potions room, Snape was hunched over his cauldron that emitted a faint blue smoke. He had spent a month making this and tonight was the last step; until he had to restart it again tomorrow for the following month.

The gently bubbling liquid was comforting to watch, whilst transfixed at the rolling bubbles, Snape's mind wandered back seventeen years.

_Earlier that day, Lupin told Snape that he really liked him, and he didn't quite know how to react to that, no one had ever said that to him before. Lupin had told him that he couldn't see him that night, that's why they met up earlier in the morning. So, Snape decided to use the night of the full moon to forage for ingredients that thrive at the full moon. Whilst foraging, Snape caught Black exiting of the whomping willow. He told Snape how to get into, and, to all he had to do was follow the tunnel._

_There was a terrible snarling noise, and Snape stood frozen in fear. At the end of the tunnel, he saw Lupin. Lupin's head was lengthening. So was his body. His shoulders were hunching. Hair was sprouting visibly on his face and hands, which were curling into clawed paws. Snape thought he was going to throw up. Just then a hand clutched his shoulder and pulled him back with force._

_After weeks of ignoring Lupin, Snape was pulled abruptly into an empty classroom making the Slytherin gasp in surprise. When in the room, Snape quickly pulled his wand out on his attacker but lowered it slightly when he saw who it was._

_'LUPIN!'_

_'I demand to talk to you.' He said quickly, 'I am sorry -'_

_'For what? For letting your friend use you as a murder weapon?' Snape sounded frantic. 'For forgiving said friend? Or for not telling me THAT I AM FUCKING A WEREWOLF?' Snape's face was red with fury as he shouted the last._

_Lupin winced at the latter and hung his head, eyes on the floor. 'I didn't let him,' he said quietly. 'I swear on my life, I had nothing to do with it. And Sirius and I have hardly spoken since then, I have not forgiven him, by far. I - I didn't tell you what I was as I was frightened I would lose you. I don't want to lose someone I have grown to -. Listen, I wanted to tell you, so many times, I was just too afraid.' He looked up to see Snape's face, which was no longer red, he held a mixture of confusion and fear. 'I would never hurt -'_

Snape was drawn back to his dim potions room with a start by a knock on his door. Sinistra walked in, and he let out a private sigh of relief, then his eyes went back to his potion.

'Hi,' she said softly, and she strolled to stand behind him.

'Are you coming up?' the Hufflepuff asked softly. 'It's Saturday, I have the _whole_ night free.' The suggestion in her voice was clear. Sinistra began to slowly walk two fingers up his back, that made Snape straighten immediately.

'I haven't seen you in a few days,' she whispered into his ear when her fingers reached the nape of his neck; Snape could smell her sweet perfume, he blinked in slow motion at the fragrance. She pulled his hair aside, and her palm gently curled around the base of his neck.

'Come,' Sinistra hummed. Her hot breath ghosted his ear, and her tongue trailed the outline; his black eyes fluttered shut at her touch. She glided a smooth, long stroke down his back, over and around his arse.

'Come to bed,' she muttered seductively and snaked her palm around his front to his chest. With graceful fingers, Sinistra slowly loosened a button of his shirt, followed by a second, and then a third. She slid her palm between the folds, across his fine black hair, found a warm nipple and circled it softly with her fingertip until it was hard. Snape's head fell back a few degrees, and his eyes closed before he spoke.

'I can't,' Snape replied, voice full of regret.

'I have to finish the Wolfsbane ready for tomorrow.'

Sinistra tutted loudly, and she withdrew away sharply; all seductiveness was gone.

'That fucking man works you to the bone!' Sinistra complained as she stepped to stand in front of him and the cauldron. 'And what fucking gratitude does he give? None!'

She crossed her arms and slumped forward on the desk sharply. Snape didn't contradict her. She hated how much Dumbledore made him work, and he knew it.

After a while, and she had calmed down, she spoke, 'Do you want any help?' Sinistra asked. She was good at potions, even to Snape's standards. But he really didn't need any help now.

'It is nearly finished. Not much more to do now, just have to stand here and watch it, stirring every so often.'

'Well,' she sighed gloomily, 'I'll leave you to it then. If you finish early, you know where I am.'

Snape black eyes glanced up to her caramel eyes, and he gave a stiff nod.

'And for heaven's sake, Snape,' she said sternly as she walked around to him, _'Please,_ don't fall sleep in your office chair! It's not good for your back!' Snape rolled his eyes so far back he could have seen his brain but nodded a promise not to fall asleep in his chair again.

Before she left, she kissed him warmly.

*

The Hufflepuff let herself into Snape's chambers and saw him sat on the sofa. Snape said nothing to her as she entered, she strolled over then fell next to him and looked at him and then the wall.

There was silence as Snape stared angrily at the wall, deep furrows between his eyes formed.

'Bad day?' Sinistra asked.

'Do you want to talk about it or just stare fiercely at the wall?'

Snape said nothing.

'Ok, then.' Sinistra rose to go to the small kitchen then returned several minutes later with two cups of hot tea and pushed one into Snape's hand then joined him to stare at the wall.

They sipped their tea in silence, and when Sinstra had finished hers, she spoke, 'Does the wall even know what it has done to offend you so much?' Sinistra asked lightly.

Snape stood abruptly and started to pace.

For long minutes, Snape paced up and down in front of his large, dying fire, hands clasped behind his back, and his black locks hung forwards.

'You're going to wear a hole in the rug soon,' Sinistra said mildly. 

'What has happened?'

Snape froze and gracefully spun around to her 'Dumbledore!'

'Ah,' Sinsitra frowned. 'I should have suspected.'

'He will not believe me.' He waved he hands frantically. 'I have told him again and again, not to trust Lupin! A big coincidence, do you not think, that last week Black managed to break into Hogwarts, _undetected_!? I call bullshit. I have explained this to the old man, but he dismisses it every time. He doesn't believe a single teacher would help Black. Yeah, well he also thought that of Quirrel and Lockhart; and look what they did!' He continued to pace even faster. 'He could not have done it on his own. He couldn't have.' He put his fingertips to his temples and rubbed small circles as if thinking hard.

Sinistra sat there and let him vent. Snape paused and turned to gaze into the dying embers of his fire.

'I know that Lupin is in league with Black, I just know it,' he murmured like he was talking to himself.

'Lupin has already earned the trust of Potter,' he spat Potter's name in hatred, 'offering him tea parties, buttering him up. It is a smart move, winning the boy's trust, makes it easier to get him to Black. But will that old fool hear me? He thinks I am letting past experiences get in the way. Thinks I am blinded by hatred!' Snape fell silent and trembled slightly in anger.

Sinistra pushed herself off the sofa and stepped to stand directly in front of him. She didn't say a word. Instead, she curled her arms around his waist, and her hands followed up his back. She pulled him in gently, closing the little space that remained between their bodies. She rested her cheek on his shoulder, her nose buried in his collar bone. Instinctively, he relaxed his head on hers and inhaled the comforting scent of her coconut shampoo; and they stood like that for a long time.

*

Lupin walked into the staff room, 'Severus,' he said kindly.

But Snape scowled at him and left.

Lupin clenched his teeth and said, to himself, 'The pathetic idiot. All because of a schoolboys grudge that he can't get over!'

He heard someone let out a derisivenoise, he turned to see who did it and saw the source of the noise exiting. Before he could call Sinistra out, she had left.  
  
*

Later that night, after dinner, Lupin walked up the spiral stairs to the astronomy tower and knocked on Sinistra's door. She opened it immediately with a grin on her face which fell when she saw who it was.

'Oh, it's you,' she said full of disappointment, she was clearly expecting someone else. 'What do _you_ want?'

'May I come in?' he asked mildly.

'Why?'

'I wish to ask you something.' Sinistra eyed him, her eyes ran up his body and across his face, as if she was scanning him, but, a second later, she stepped aside.

Lupin entered her rooms, and she strode over to her desk, wrote something on some parchment and sent it in the fire to travel via floo, to delay who was meant to be coming up he would assume.

'Do you want a drink? Tea? Coffee? Hot chocolate? Something stronger?' she asked, her tone a lot more inviting than it was when she answered the door moments ago. He didn't know much about Sinistra except what subject she taught, was older than him, a Hufflepuff and that she didn't like him.

'I'll have tea, thank you. Strong, two sugars,' he replied.

'Take a seat,' she waved a hand at the sitting area that hosted a small sofa and an armchair, he took the armchair.

Sinistra returned a few minutes later with a tray of tea, handed him a mug then took place on the sofa directly opposite him.

'What can I do for you, Lupin?' she asked, as she took a long sip of her tea and set the cup aside; Lupin instinctively followed suit and took a large gulp, the tea tasted good - strong and sweet, just how he liked it.

Lupin laid the cup on the table in front of him, and Sinistra permitted crooked, sly smile to lay on her face. He started to feel heavy then looked at the tea then at her, 'What have you done? What have you put in my tea?' He tried to stand, but his body pulled him back down like a magnet. Dread filled him.

'Don't panic. It won't hurt you.' She said kindly, though there was still a hint of regret in her voice. 

'What. Have. You. Done?' Lupin enunciated.

'You fool, Lupin. Too careless. Too trusting. Too _Gryffindor_!' Her fingertips steepled, and a sparkle in her eyes.

His immediate thought was Snape that he had set her up to do this. But why would he use her? As far as he knew, except meal times, they never saw each other, didn't know each other.

'What I have given you, Lupin, is a potion. It is similar to the Fidelius Charm, let's say.' Lupin's eyes went wide, and he opened his mouth to speak, but she cut in. 'However, unlike the Fidelius Charm,' she continued smoothly, 'if the person goes to talk about what they have been told, they will experience unbearable pain in their head. The same goes for if they try to write it down, or use Legilimency. Therefore, the drinker can not tell what they know, ever, not even to the person who told them; from the moment you leave these rooms.' The blood pounded hard in his ears. What worried Lupin more was that she talked like they were discussing what they might have for dinner tonight, so casually. Lupin rose to stand again, but couldn't, he felt stuck to the fabric.

'Oh, and a potion that will make you stay seated. Just a simple Aggravat potion.' Sinistra waved her hand dismissively. She definitely saw the confusion on the werewolves face. 'Sort of like an Incarcerous Spell, just no cords. If you go to stand, your body will feel like lead and will prevent you. Until, at least, the effects wear off. I invented it myself' She smiled proudly.

'Snape! He did this!' he whispered to himself just above audible.

Sinistra rolled her eyes, 'Just because _you_ suck at potions, doesn't mean everyone else does. I got an O in my N.E.W.Ts could have been a Potions Mistress if I wanted too, but the stars attracted me more,' her voice oozed pride. 'Neither potion will hurt you, Lupin. Well, the first one won't, unless _, of course,_ you try to divulge what we talk about then you will be in so much pain you would wish you were dead.' She gave him a shrewd grin.  
  
'I don't believe you. You're lying.'  
  
Sinistra shrugged, 'That's up to you. But are you willing to call my bluff?'

There was a long pause, where she picked up her tea and sipped some more, she kept her eyes on him over the rim of her cup the whole time. A letter suddenly flew in the room through the Floo and the corner of it clipped Lupin on the side of the head which made him swear. Sinistra stood to take it, read it, smiled then binned it.

'You bitch!' he whispered bitterly. 'I knew you didn't like me, but this? Drugging me? Why not just oblivate me at the end? Why drug me to protect yourself, about what we talk about.'

'Oh, I'm not protecting me,' she continued in a casual tone. 'And why oblivate you? And have you forgotten everything I tell you? Oh no, where's the fun in that? And it defeats the object of this.' She smiled, a smile sent a shiver down his spine.

'You're not a very good Hufflepuff, are you? As cunning and clever as a Slytherin,' Lupin said after a long pause.

Sinistra gave a patronising laugh, 'Oh, I am very Hufflepuff. Though I won't deny, I sat on the stall for two and a half minutes whilst the hat decided if I were Hufflepuff or Slytherin, so there is Slytherin in me.' She smirked.

Lupin snorted that suggested the hat made a mistake. 'You seem to forget,' Sinistra continued, 'Hufflepuffs are fiercely loyal, if you fuck with the people we love, then you fuck with us. We may be kind, fair, and honest, but you also do not want to push us. You don't want us as an enemy.'

Lupin looked at her with such confusion. He had only met the woman this year, they have hardly said two words since he started. He hasn't fucked with anyone.

'I ... I don't understand?' He finally said.

'That ...' She pointed her forefinger at him, 'right there is your problem, Lupin. You do not understand ... anything.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aggravat - weighing down
> 
> Chapter 3 - Lupin did nothing.
> 
> Kudos, comment and share :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of dialogue in this chapter. Mostly Sinistra. It is pure Snape defence. This chapter will probably not make you feel very happy - or it could. I'm sorry.
> 
> OMG this chapter is 3.6k words!

'Why did you make that noise at me in the staff room? Why don't you like me?' He asked directly, which is why he came here in the first place.

'You may not, no, you will not remember me from school,' she started. She was right, Lupin didn't. 'I was two years above you. I was never part of a group that were arrogant show-offs, that craved attention.' Lupin frowned. 'I kept my head down, and I spent most of my free time in the library or in my house, especially in year seven, studying for my N.E.W.T.s'

'I don't understand what this has to do with what I asked?'

She sent him a 'how dare he interrupt me' look.

'Well, I knew you and your cronies; of course, I did. _Everyone_ knew you four. Congratulations,' she nodded, he could imagine that if she had a glass of champagne, she would raise a toast to that.

'The problem is, Lupin, it's all well and good being part of a popular group, but that also comes at a costly price. It means what you do, anything you do, spreads fast, everyone knows your shit. Me, a modest Hufflepuff who keeps herself to herself, no one will notice when she breaks a rule. When she sneaks out past curfew to go to an empty classroom to meet a Slytherin boy. Or when she breaks into the potions room to steal some ingredients, for example. No one will care about that.'

Lupin started to sweat. Sinistra cleared her throat.

'I heard what you and your friends did to Severus that day after your Defense O.W.L.' Her nose upturned in objection.

The Gryffindor opened his mouth to protest, but she got in first.

'And trust me, If I were there, I would have hexed Potter and Black's arrogant bollocks off. Not do what Evans did, talk to him like a weak, pathetic _bitch_!' She spat the word bitch.

'That's my friends you're talking about.' Lupin snarled and twisted in his seat.

She raised her brows and smirked darkly.

'And what was Severus, pray I ask?'

'He.. he was - Look, I don't know what you heard about that day, but I was nothing to do with that. That was all James and Sirius.' To his surprise, her smirk widened, and it unnerved him.

'Precisely.' Her lip curved. Lupin narrowed his eyes trying to make out what she was saying.

'Severus was your lover -'

'How the fuck do you know that?' He said quickly in surprise. No one knew of him and Snape, no one.

Ignoring him, she continued, 'and you were a prefect, and you did nothing. You sat there and did _nothing_.' Her lips curled in disgust as she had just touched something sickening. 

He swallowed thickly, and suddenly felt far too hot.

'You sat there and let your friends sexually harass your partner -' 

'Whoa! Hold the fuck on a minute.' His snapped and sounded offended. 'Sexually harass? Where do you get that from?'

Sinistra brought her hands up, 'one,' she counted on her forefinger finger. 'When someone violates your dignity; check. Potter and Black certainly managed to do a good job on that.' He could tell Sinistra was trying to stay calm, but her face betrayed her voice, it told how appalled she was. 'Two,' her second finger rose, 'when they make you feel intimidated, degraded or humiliated; triple-check there. Three,' a third finger rose, 'exposing someone against their will - it _is_ all sexual harassment.' Her eyes glittered darkly.

There was a look of guilt upon the werewolf's face.

'You let your friends harass your lover, hang him by his ankles, choke him, stun him multiple times, and you did fuck all. You just sat there pretending it wasn't happening, head in a book, whilst your partner was being abused,' she said full of disgust. 

Lupin hung his head and, this time, it was in disgrace. He sat there and let his friends do that to his lover. He didn't even use his prefect status to stop them. He always knew this is the reason Snape loathed him, different reasons to James and Sirius. But he always hoped that Snape could let it go.

_'I'm sorry. Please, I beg you. I'm sorry,' Lupin cried out._

_'I don't want to hear it. You have answered my unasked question of where your loyalties lie. You made your choice, and you chose your friends.' Snape said softly._

_'Please, forgive me. Severus, I ... I love you,' Lupin said, for the very first time. At that, it was like a switch had been activated in Snape._

_'YOU DID NOTHING!' Snape bellowed._

_'I'm sorry' Lupin called desperately, his eyes threatened to cry._

_'You sat there and did NOTHING!' You do not love someone if you let get abused like that!'_

_'I do love you! I will prove it. I ... I will report them.'_

_Snape gave an unkind laugh._

_'I don't want to see you as long as I live!' He said coldly._

_'No. Please, don't ... pleeeease.' Lupin pleaded, sounding like a pathetic fool begging for his life. He clutched onto Snape's wrist, but the Slytherin pulled out of his grip fast as though something repulsive had just touched him._

_'Do not touch me!' Snape spat, but Lupin reached out again, and Snape took a step back._

_'You will never touch me again,' he enunciated each word clearly._

_He left the room as the Gryffindor fell to his knees with his face in his hands, shuddering but making no noise._

That was the last time they were alone in a room together. Lupin had never felt more ashamed of himself as he did that day. He knew he had royally fucked up.

'Let me ask you, Lupin,' Sinistra said after a while. 'Would _you_ forgive anyone if they did to you what _Potter_ and _Black_ did to Severus?' she spat their names. 'All because, if I remember correctly -' She rubbed her chin with her thumb and forefinger in thought. After a few seconds, she clicked her fingers in revelling. ''Because he existed?' From what I heard, he did nothing but sit in a bush minding his own business? - News travels fast in these walls, Lupin.' She answered the question he was wondering of how she knew these details. The question must have been written on his face.

'Would you forgive your partner if they just sat there? Would you call it a schoolboy grudge?' Lupin went to open his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. 'He had every right not to forgive any of you for what happened. I definitely wouldn't have,' she said her voice uneven.

'I was a coward,' he spoke inaudibly, 'I admit that. I was too much of a coward to stand up to my friends. I saw Severus that night and begged for his forgiveness, but..but he told me he never wanted to see me again.' He said, his voice trembled slightly. 'How do you know all of this?' he asked again.

'Severus went down a dark path,' Lupin pronounced when Sinistra did not answer. 'Hanging around with them awful Slytherin's.' It was Lupins turn to look and sound disgraced. 'And that was before he and I even started. After school, from what I understood, he turned Death Eater himself. He joined the side that would hunt down and kill werewolves and Muggleborns! Like one of my best friends, Lily!' His voice rose. He could feel old hatred towards Snape rising. And wondered why the hell he wanted to patch things up with him now!

'And you think that justifies what you all did?' she bit back sharply.

'No, I do not,' he said sternly. 'I'm just saying that Snape is not innocent. He turned to the dark side, _willingly_. He turned _against_ us.'

Lupin tried to push himself up so he could leave, he didn't want to listen to this shit! Though, the potion was still active and had him glued to the chair.

Sinistra took a deep breath and released - to gain her composure, then rose to take the mugs to the small joining kitchen.

'Do you want a fresh cup of tea? Yours has gone cold.' She asked.

Lupin gave her an 'are you taking the fucking piss?' look.

'I take that as a no.'

Sinistra returned with a fresh mug of tea and placed it on the side table next to her. She sat on her sofa then whipped out her wand, which made his eyes go wide in wonder. With a flick, she vanished the table that laid between the pair. She Accioed Lupin and his chair forward, which made him take in a breath of surprised at the sudden jolt of movement. He was a mere couple of feet away from her now. Even though she looked more composed than she did five minutes ago, being this close made her feel more intimidating.

'Do you know why he hung around with them Slytherin's?' she said simply and looked him straight in the eyes. Brown eyes searched the hazel eyes.

'He was always into Dark Arts, from the moment he arrived at Hogwarts. He knew more curses than most the seventh years on his first,' Lupin claimed, determined not to break eye contact, have her think that he was scared. 'He even created dark spells, do you know about that, do ya? Sectumsempra? It is evil! It can kill you!' He said, his voice a little too high than he wanted. 'The _only_ time I saw him draw back from them and Dark Magic was the months we were together.'

'There are reasons Severus hung around with Death Eater offspring, just like you hung around with them three toerags. And you both did it for the same reasons - they accepted you.'

Lupin frowned at them being compared to wannabe Death Eaters! They were nothing like them. They never used Dark Magic.

'You both had to share a dorm with them for seven years. The last thing Snape needed (on top of Potter and Black bullying him) was his Slytherin dorm mates hating him too. Look how much you let them two get away with? Why? Because you couldn't afford to NOT be friends with them.' Lupin rose his eyebrows slightly. 'After all, you knew first hand what the hands of Potter and Black can do.' The look of hatred was back on her face, betraying her voice. 'And, in the flick of a switch, they could turn his world upside down if you upset them.' Lupin turned his head. But she caught his chin and forced him to look at her. He jerked his head out of her grip and frowned but kept his face forward.

'You knew they knew too much about you. They had a weapon to use against you; a hold, 'If you tell, we tell.' And you couldn't risk that, for anything. Not even for the person you claimed to love.'

He could tell she was trying to stay relaxed and not lose composure again, her expression gave it away that she was struggling.

'It is the same as Severus and his dorm 'mates.' She continued. 'I, personally, would not want to share a dorm with the offspring of Death Eaters for seven years and have them hate me.'  
  
'Then surely you understand why I hung around with James and Sirius?'

'Certainly. Of course, I do. But there is a line, a line that you get too where you say ... 'enough is enough.' And you crossed that line. In my opinion, you crossed that line when you forgave Black for nearly killing Severus, but _somehow_ you managed to talk Severus around.'

'I do not need to listen to this! Let me go! NOW!' Lupin growled dangerously low.

'Unfortunately, Lupin, you can not leave that chair until the potion wears off and who knows (except me) how long that will be?' She smiled sinfully. 'So you have no choice _but_ to listen.' Lupin scowled deeply, and Sinistra sent a fleeting glimpse to her wall.

'Let us continue. Why do _you_ think Severus created them spells?'

Lupin didn't answer, he just glared.

'I know all about the spells he created. Langlock. Levicorpus. And the darkest of all, Sectumsempra. But why would a youngster create such spells?'

Lupin stayed silent.

'No? Ok. There are reasons he created them. Langlock is an interesting spell, wouldn't you say? It has a very deliberate outcome - to stop someone from talking. And why would you want to stop someone from talking? Well, in your early years at Hogwarts, it’s how you would prevent someone from spell casting. Severus trying to defend himself when being attacked four-on-one. It's curious, don't you think, that none of his early spells is particularly nasty or vicious and then along comes Sectumsempra - such an elevation in horror.'

Lupin's chest was rising fast, and his nostrils flared as he breathed. 

'After Black tried to kill him with using _you_ as his murder weapon -' He snorted but stayed silent.

'Severus must have felt he needed that extra protection. Protection that _Dumbledore_ obviously did not provide,' she spat Dumbledores name in the same hatred that she did his friends.

She took some more of her tea and set it aside.

'After all, in Severus' eyes 'If they (Black and Potter) have attempted murder (and gotten away with it) once, who says they will not try it again?' Maybe he wanted that extra insurance, something to fall back on if anything like that happened again? Severus had handled the four-on-one bullying for as long as he could, and Black had unwittingly changed the rules of the game. It wasn’t _just_ bullying anymore. It wasn’t just calling him names, and flicking some hexes down the corridor. This time, they tried to kill him. And Dumbledore sided with them, with the Gryffindors. Severus was the only one punished for that, in many ways,' she said with such bitterness. She took another deep breath in and out.

Lupin started to wonder if Sinstra was Snape in Polyjuice potion. She knew too much, too many details that nobody could ever know. But she couldn't be. She answered the door and was surprised to see him, she hadn't been out of his sight the whole time. She tipped her mug high finishing her tea. Exhaled out loudly.

'There are reasons he went to the dark side. Why do you think that might be?' She asked genuinely.

Lupin said nothing.

'Playing the silent treatment now? Ok, that's fine by me.'

'Let's be Severus.' Lupins eyes narrowed. 'On this hand,' she flipped her hand so fast, Lupin recoiled his head, she turned her palm up. 'He had the ' _light_ ' side, your side. And in this hand,' she did the same with her other,' he had the ' _dark_ ' side. Now, on the light side, he had abuse, reject, a headmaster who only seemed to protect the Gryffindors and said fuck you to anyone else. On this hand, they made his life hell. Even tried to kill him.' She spoke full of sympathy. 'And then there was what happened after O.W.Ls, that, I think, was the final nail in the coffin. That pushed him too far.'

Lupin could feel droplets of sweat on his forehead like someone had just turned up the heat suddenly by ten degrees.

'And then there's this hand - the _dark_ side. He had friends - and I use that word _very_ loosely, as they never stood up for him. He had respect. They made him feel wanted. They gave him something he had always craved - acceptance. Like you.'

Lupin swallowed.

'You claim that 'he turned against us,' but the thing is, he didn't turn against you. As he was _never_ on your side, you all made it very clear that he was not on your side of the court. Sirius Black - now there is someone who turned against you.' Lupin winced at that. 'To Severus, in his eyes, the light side was the dark side. Severus had no one to turn to except his fellow Slytherins. Dumbledore had proven he wasn't there to support the young Slytherin in need. The dark side saw a vulnerable young boy, groomed him and then reeled him in.'

There was a heavy silence in the room for a long time, only the sound of the gently crackling fire that was expiring, and the ticking of a clock could be heard.

Lupin wriggled and tried to rise of the chair again. She glanced at the clock on her wall; like she was expecting someone.

'There are reasons he is so bitter and angry. Have you ever heard of PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? My Muggle father was a therapist (that's a mind healer to you) - '

'I know what a therapist is!' Lupin snapped. 

'He often had books laying around the house about this sort of stuff. And during the holidays, when I got bored and done all my school work, I would read them, they came in useful.'

'You see,' she said low 'when something traumatic happens in your life it rocks you to the core. The world is no longer a safe place. It becomes somewhere that bad things can and do happen. To Severus, Hogwarts was not a safe place. Hogwarts didn't mean safety. Someone with PTSD often relives traumatic events through nightmares and flashbacks.' Sinistra said dismally.

'They may experience feelings of isolation, irritability, angry outburst and guilt. Hypervigilance and feeling on constant alert are also common. Unfortunately for Severus, he never got the help he needed when Black tried to kill him. That sent him further down the wrong path.'

Lupin was starting to feel sorry for the Slytherin.

'To overcome PTSD you need professional help, medication, and to avoid the triggers. Severus has never had the opportunity to ' _get over it,''_ she said the latter with such venom. 'He has constantly been surrounded by his triggers, and then Hogwarts welcomes the crotch goblin of Lily Evans. Who is the mini version of his father, in looks and who constantly broke the rules - '  
  
'And you think that excuses him to bully Harry as he does?' Lupin cut in.  
  
Sinistra rolled her eyes. 'No. Of course, it doesn't. He is a first-class arsehole. But you can learn to understand him without excusing. Learn to empathise.'

'You can't get over something,' she continued as if he didn't just interrupt, 'if you are _always_ surrounded by the reminders of your trauma every day of your life. Some wounds run so deep they are impossible to heal, especially, when them wounds get more and more infected, and there is no one to help take care of the wounds. For you, it's just a memory, but for him, the pain lives on.'

There was silence. Sinistra blinked slowly, took a few more deep breathes. It looked like she was trying to discipline her mind, demanding it not to betray her - not to cry.

After a long moment, Sinistra glanced at the clock again, this time so did he, it was nine pm.

'How do you know all of this? All of the details of Snape?' He asked for the third time. She angled her head and smiled a devilish grin.

'Oh, I know and understand Severus better than anyone alive. I know everything about him.' Her tone had changed, she now sounded, if Lupin wasn't mistaken, like a proud wife saying 'That's my husband,' who had just received an award.

His eyes flickered side to side as if he was reading something only he could see. He thought back to earlier.

 _'Oh, it's you,' she said full of disappointment, she was clearly expecting someone else._ She was expecting Snape. That note, it was for Snape. _'If you fuck with the people we love, then you fuck with us.'_ People we love - Snape. _'I know and understand Severus better than anyone alive.'_

Lupin gapped at her and gave tiny shakes of the head.

'Y... you ... and Snape are ... are.' He stuttered his eyes wide with surprise.

'Sharp as a brick, I see,' she mocked.

'Close your mouth, Lupin. You are not a codfish.'

'How...how long?'

'Six years.' Lupin blinked. He would never have guessed that he could hold a woman for six minutes, let alone six years. It all made sense now. To why she didn't like him. Why she knew all about his past at Hogwarts. All about him and Snape. And why, for the love of merlin, did he feel a pang of jealousy?

'When can I leave?' He growled.

'When you have had time to think bout what I have said.' She rose sharply, and Lupin flinched again and swore to himself for making himself look vulnerable. Sinistra walked over to her fire where the logs glowed amber and threw some floo powder in were green flames rose. 

'Where are you going?' He said high with wide eyes, then swore to himself again.

'Just because you can't go anywhere that doesn't mean I can't. I'll be back.'

'Wait!' Lupin called as He writhed in his chair trying to break free. 'You can't just leave me here!' he cried out squirming harder.

She turned to look at the Gryffindor in the eye, 'Oh, yes I can.' She said low with a smirk, her eyes sparkled wickedly. 'Severus Snape's chambers!' Sinistra called, then winked at Lupin before she vanished into the green flames. Lupin had the suspicion that she relished telling him where she was going; whilst he remained there unable to move, with nothing to think about except her and Snape. He jerked in the chair once more, in vain. All he could do is sit and wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm struggling with chapter four. It's like I've hit a wall lol I usually post a chapter when I have the next chapter complete but If I do that, this one may never have been posted.
> 
> UPDATE 16/2/21: Chapter 4 is complete. Will, hopefully, be posted in the next week when chapter 5 is complete.
> 
> Kudos, comment and share :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have tried to keep it in the same timeline as HP, but I'm sure I've messed up somewhere.
> 
> The chapter starts mid-November and finishes Christmas.

Remus Lupin caught his breath and woke abruptly when iced-cold water slapped him in the face.

'You fell asleep,' Sinistra said, while she held a large, empty jug.

'LET ME GO!' Lupin shouted gruffly, and he twisted his body desperately. He took a glance at the clock; it was three in the morning.

Sinistra squinted her eyes.

'I have been here for hours,' he rasped, sounding drained. Lupin trembled from the bitter cold of November and the fire that had extinguished hours ago. His neck pained him from where it chin rested on his chest when he slept, and now he was wet. He was hungry and thirsty - but dared to ask Sinsitra for a drink, in case she drugged him again. And he really needed the loo.

Sinistra ignored him, just stood there, and watched him.

'Please, Aurora,' Lupin pleaded in barely above a whisper, his head drooped. 'Let me go. Please.' Water dripped from the end of his nose onto his lap, and his wet fringe clung to his forehead. She placed her slender forefinger under his chin and lifted his head, so he was eye to eye with her.

'Have you had time to think?' She said seriously and not breaking eye contact. Lupin nodded weakly.

He couldn't do anything but think whilst held in the chair. Everything Sinistra had told him ran in a loop in his head. And each time he replayed it, he felt a mixture of anger, empathy, shame and jealousy. He felt angry at Sinistra for essentially kidnapping him. Empathy towards Snape. Shame for himself. And jealousy at the thought of Sinistra with Snape. He also questioned how many witches and wizards she had done this too or if he was the first.

'I'm sorry.' He muttered honestly.

'For?'

'For calling it a schoolboys grudge. For calling him pathetic. For not even trying to see things from his perspective.' And that was all true. He truly was sorry for how he just dismissed his trauma. He had never felt such empathy for the Slytherin. He had also never felt such jealousy towards him either when he thought of the two together whilst he sat there, tired up with invisible ropes, cold and hungry. 

Sinistra pushed his face to the side roughly, walked off to the corner of the room and put something in her pocket.

Just then, he wondered if Snape knew about any of this.

'Does Severus know I'm here?' he inquired quietly. 'Does he know about any of this? What you have told me?' He thought Snape would go mad if he knew what she had said.

'Of course he doesn't,' she said as she walked back to the werewolf.

'That is why you have given me that potion. So I can never talk to Snape about it. Never tell him what you have said. So _you_ don't get in trouble! You are protecting yourself.'

'No. I am protecting Severus,' she said defensively. 'Do you think he would want your pity? He would sooner kill himself that take your pity.'

Sinistra pulled what she had just gone to collect, a small phial out of her pocket and handed it to the Gryffindor.

'Here, drink this, it will free you.' But he looked sceptical at the tiny bottle.

'Or not. It's up to you.' She shrugged unbothered left it on the armrest and walked to the kitchen.

Lupin eyed the phial for a moment. He hesitated but took the bottle and emptied the contents. Instantly, he felt his body unglue from the chair and stood so fast the chair pushed back. He had the urge to launch himself at the Hufflepuff, but he resisted and stood perfectly still, his fists clenched in a tight ball down by his side, rage painted on his face.

'You can go now, Lupin,' Sinistra said calmly with her back to him as she took some milk out of the fridge.

'Unless there's anything else you wish to talk off?' She turned to face the werewolf, glass in one hand, milk in the other and poured. 'After all, the moment you leave that door,' she nodded to the door behind him, 'you can not mention it to anyone. So get it off your chest now or trott along.' She replaced the milk in the fridge. Lupin advanced towards her.

Sinistra turned to see Lupin standing a foot away and flinched but quickly stood tall, set her glass aside and went to take a step back but just bumped the fridge.

'You,' he said through clenched teeth, his face red with rage, 'drugged me,' his arms stiff at his side, jaw tight, 'held me bound for _HOURS_.' His nostrils flared. 'You throw ice-cold water over me.'

She blinked when Lupin slammed his palms to the fridge on either side of her head, caging her in. He leaned his weight on his arms and made himself eye level with the Hufflepuff. 'And you just expect me to leave, like it never happened?' He said softly but in a dangerous tone. Her face was blank, but he saw a flicker of fear in her eyes.

'I should go to Dumbledore about you. Have you _fired,'_ he spat the last word; she blinked again, but her face remained impassive. There was a pause when Sinstra finally spoke.

'But. You. Can't.' Sinistra enunciated darkly, followed by an equally dark smirk. Lupin leaned in closer so to her face where she could probably smell his stale breath.

'If you _ever_ do anything like this again,' he said very low and stared her in the eyes. 'If you even look at me funny, I will make you regret it.' He saw Sinistra swallow, the only sign she had given away that she was afraid.

'I may not have actively participated in the torment and abuse of Severus, but that doesn't mean I was innocent in the games they played with others.'

Sinistra said nothing, just maintained eye contact.

'Do you know why I was rarely in detention?' She gave a minute shake of her head. 'Because I discovered early on that I had the skill where I could sell fire to a dragon. Particularly with my sob story history. McGonagall and Dumbledore especially usually always fell for my lies.'

He pushed off the fridge with a force that made the contents rattle, turned and stormed out, where he slammed the door hard the windows vibrated.

Sinistra and Lupin were unaware that her words were to change the dynamics of Lupin and Snape's relationship.

~~~~

The sound of excitement and laughter, along with the rattle of knives and forks, bounced around the Great Hall as the students sat for their last meal before they left home for Christmas. Snape heard Sinistra say something, he turned to ask what she said when he noticed Lupin watching him, but he turned his eyes to his food just as Snape looked. He had _that_ look in his eyes again. For weeks he had caught Lupin looking at him strangely, at the weekly staff meetings or in the Great Hall, and he didn't know why.

Every so often, Lupin gave him a penetrating stare, like he was trying to search for something. Occasionally, he swears, he saw pity in the werewolf's eyes. Other times, he thought he saw a reminiscing look - like he had gone back the two of them in year four and five. And then there were the times where there was a blank stare. Snape was never sure which one unnerved him more.

'Snape!' His eyes shifted to set upon Sinistra. 'Are you even listening to me?' she said.

'No,' he replied stiffly, then, without warning, he stood and went. Sinistra's gaze followed him as he left the back doors, his robes billowed as he left, then turned to see what he was looking at. Lupin. She locked eyes with him and frowned at the werewolf.

~~

Sinistra knocked gingerly onto Snape's door, and when a 'fuck off' did not come her way, she entered.

'Severus?' Sinistra spoke quietly, while he started to decant the Wolfsbane potion into a week's worth of goblets.

'Yes?' he replied soberly.

'Are you ok?' she asked softly, as she approached his workbench.

'Yes.' He looked tense.

'OK. It's just because it looked like Lupin had bothered you somehow at dinner?' she said as she pulled a stall over and sat.

He looked up his brows raised high. He gave a tiny roll of the eyes before he spoke.

'He keeps giving me odd looks; in the staff room, at mealtimes, if he sees me in the halls, etcetera. Have you not noticed?' He asked.

'No. But I don't tend to take much notice of the werewolf.'

Snape stared her dead in the eyes for a few moments before he looked back to his potion.

'I didn't realise you gave so much of your attention to him.' There was a hint of anxiety in her voice, and she knew it.

'I do not!' he spat back in defence.

'Well, you look at him often enough to see him eyeing you up.' The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them and the wrong words. She mentally slapped herself. She had made it sound like Lupin still sexually liked Snape.

'Pfft.' He snorted lightly. 'I would hardly call it 'eyeing me up.' Not the looks he is giving me.'

'What looks are they?' she said with a private sigh of relief that he didn't take it how it sounded.

'He is probably scared of you, Severus,' she said when he told her. 'You know because you know his secret, and he probably doesn't want to upset you. In case you tell something like that,' she said casually and shrugged. Snape had just finished emptying the potion into the last goblet ready for the week. 'Let it be. It is nothing to fret about.'

As she guessed, Snape looked unconvinced.

'Something is going on.' His eyes narrowed. ' _He_ ,' and he stabbed the air between the two with his finished ladle, 'is up to something. And I _will_ find out what it is.' Snape told her determinedly, then sharply dropped the ladle into the cauldron. He levitated the seven smoking goblets and set them all lined up perfectly on the side. He waved his wand at the goblets, to what she would assume was a preserving spell, then turned to clean his equipment.

Sinistra swallowed thickly. She told Lupin that the potion would cause him server pain, but, in fact, it will do nothing except make him feel slightly dizzy and want to sit down. She thought that she should tell Snape before he finds out another way, though she knew he would never forgive her if she did.

Sinistra hoped to take his mind off it, so she rose out of her stall to stand behind him at the sink where he was cleaning his equipment. Slowly, Sinistra curled a hand up over his shoulder. The other around his waist where she tried to pull him into her. But he distinctly rolled his shoulder and twisted out of her touch. She drew back and looked concerned. Since Lupin had returned three months ago, they have had sex only a dozen times. Snape being 'too tired,' 'too busy,' 'has marking or a potion to finish,' 'not in the mood,' or their schedules clashed. Which she didn't question and accepted, with the amount of work Dumbledore has him to do these days, but he had never pushed her away like _that_ before.

~~~

The castle felt abandoned now that most of the pupils had all left for their homes for Christmas. His footsteps echoed as he strolled through the corridors to go to the dungeons to get his wolfsbane. It felt wrong, out of place with it being so empty. He stepped a few steps down the main stairs and saw Sinistra leave the passage that led down to the dungeons. He froze, and his eyes followed her, where jealousy punched him in the gut. She looked deep in thought, so he went unnoticed, and he watched her as she moved to the Great Hall. 

As angry as Lupin was with Sinistra, he understood why she wanted to tell him what she did, though he was still angry with how she went about it.

He had spent weeks where he tried to find a loophole, and it was all in vain. There was no way where he could he tell Snape that he was truly sorry (without jumping into details.)

Lupin also regretted the boggart incident at the start of the year. He now understood why Snape was so furious about it.

He had forced Neville, who resembled Peter Pettingew a lot, to sexually mock Snape. Gryffindors, Harry, who was a mini James Potter, laughed at him in drag. To Snape, he had again, being humiliated by a 'Marauder.' Though that was not Lupin's intention, he did not think about how it might affect Snape. And now he felt ashamed by that and saw how Snape must have seen it and wished he could take it back.

Lupin yearned to speak to Snape. He _needed_ to see him. And each day that passed, the want to talk to Snape grew stronger.  
  


_'Sinistra,' he whispered and drew her arm after the end of term staff meeting earlier that day._

_She turned and looked surprised that he would talk to her._

_'I need to speak to you... Please,' he said mildly. She considered before she rolled her eyes but gave a tiny nod._

_'What is it, Lupin?' she asked uninterested when they found a nearby classroom. He looked like he had barely slept in weeks._

_'Please, give the antidote. I promise I will go to Dumbledore. I will not embarrass Snape or mention you at all. I just need to talk to him, to try and mend bridges,' he asked. She had to give it to the werewolf, he was careful how he worded the request. And for a moment, Sinistra sympathised for him and nearly gave in - nearly._

_There was a very long pause before she answered._

_'No,' she answered plainly and left. Lupin groaned in disappointment.  
  
_

Before he recognised, his feet had walked him automatically to the dark, damp dungeons, and he stood outside Snape's office. Hesitantly he knocked on the door and waited.

'Enter.' He heard.

'Severus -'

'Your potion is over there, Lupin,' Snape said, he directed with his quill without taking his eyes off his marking.

Lupin stepped the small distance to the goblets, picked up the one closest to him and swallowed it in one gulp followed by a screwed up face of disgusted, and a 'yuck.' He placed the goblet down and looked up, Snape's black eyes were now fixed on him which made him jump a little.

'Thank you,' he said mildly.

'They will remain there, come in and help yourself when you need them,' Snape replied, then laid down his quill neatly, his ebony eyes never left the werewolf. There was a long, tense silence, but for one spoke.

'I do not trust you, Lupin.' Snape said softly. He leaned back in his chair, elbows on the armrest and steepled his long fingertips together by his chin.

'I know,' Lupin replied flatly. Then there was a pause.

'I know you are up to something.' Lupin started to shake his head. 'I know you are helping Black. I do not know how, but I know you are.'

'I'm not, Severus. I am not,' Lupin said defensively.

'I see you have not lost your talent where you can convince all the teachers to believe your lies, but you do not fool me.'

'Severus,' he sighed. 'I am _not_ helping Sirius Black. I am loyal to the Order.'

Snape angled his head slightly and eyed him questioningly. He rested his chin on a hand and lowered the other to the desk, where he drummed his fingers on the desk comfortably, his penetrating ebony eyes never left Lupins hazel.

'I do not believe you!'

.

_'I do not trust you, Lupin.' Snape said softly, voice like silk, then leaned back in his chair, steepled his long fingertips together, and his dark eyes glittered._

_'I know,' Lupin replied._

_'I know you are up to something.' Snape rose from his chair and deliberately stepped towards the werewolf. 'I know you are helping Black. I do not know how, but I know you are,' he said when directly in front of him._

_'I'm not, Severus,' he said defensively. 'I beg you.' He smoothly kneeled before the Slytherin and took a fistful of robes. 'I am not.'_

_Snape angled his head slightly and eyed him questioningly._

_'Severus, I am not helping Sirius Black. I am loyal to_ you _.'_

_Snape took Lupin's chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilted his head back then side to side as if examining him._

_'How can I prove to you that I am yours,_ not _Black's?' Lupin spoke urgently. 'That my loyalty is with you? That is always has been?' His grip on Snape's robes tightened._

_'Are they really?' Snape said low with an arched eyebrow._

_'Yes!' Lupin hissed low. 'Always.'_

_Snape smoothed his palm up and over his scarred cheek that made Lupin's eyes flutter. He raked his fingers through the greying hair before he seized it roughly and doubled the Gryffindors head back so that their eyes met._

_'Then. Why. Don't. You. Prove it!' He enunciated each word and emphasised the word 'prove.' Lupin gave small enthusiastic nods._

_His large hands slid between Snape's robes where sure fingers released his belt and slowly dragged down the zipper._  
  


Lupin woke in a cold sweat, breathing laborious, and with a very hard and aching erection.

'Fucking hell!' he muttered to himself and scrubbed his face with his hands. He hadn't had a dream like that about Snape in years, and definitely not adult Snape. Lupin looked down at the tented sheets and groaned. He will not masturbate, he will not! He refused to wank to Snape. Unfortunately, his cock disregarded his morals.

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 5 is complete.
> 
> Kudos, comment and share :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why was Lupin on the Hogwarts Express on the 1st of September? 
> 
> Lupin's dignity is on the line. And he learns that Dumbledore is not as great as he thinks he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews always welcome :)

Lupin managed to avoid Snape when he went for his potions the following days, thanks to being no school work to mark or lesson to plan. He couldn't look at him in the eye after the erotic dream he had about the Slytherin.

With most of the children home for Christmas, and the full moon being on Christmas Day, he could bypass going to go to the Great Hall for meals, so he didn't have to see the man at all.

Only now, the students were back, and Lupin had to dine in the Great Hall. Though he was careful to dodge eye contact with the Slytherin, he kept his head down or eyes straight. Even when Lupin could feel Snape's watchful sights on him, he resisted looking back. He hoped that there was a God, that someone loved him enough, so he could get away with not seeing him when Lupin went for his potion, but he knew that would not happen. Snape would be marking or doing his lesson rota. He damned Snape for always doing it in his office. Why couldn't he be like himself, who did it in his chambers or the staff room?

Unluckily for Lupin, he could not entirely evade the potions master as he often trespassed his dreams, dreams, which became more and more vivid.

~~

Snape had spent most of his 'free' time the past few months on the Wolfsbane potion for the wrenched werewolf. He finished January's dose the night before. So this Sunday evening, much to Sinsitra's delight, after he gave the potion to the werewolf and began again for the next months potion (which thankfully didn't require a lot of attention stage,) he came straight up to her.

Sinistra got into bed to lure Snape. She was horny as fuck. Her dark, hot digits brushed his pale skin while she dipped her head and kissed his warm chest.

'I do not understand.' Snape announced.

Snape automatically caressed and fingered her long, thick locks, his eyes set forward.

He seemed oblivious to Sinistra, who peppered his chest with touches of warm, moist lips.

'Understand what?' She muttered as she left a trail of kisses up to his jaw, and her splayed palm gradually moved down his stomach towards his groin.

'He spent weeks giving me odd looks, and now he is avoiding me entirely,' Snape said with a confused frown.

Sinistra sighed in exasperation. She didn't need to ask who 'he' was. She drew back, sat against the headboard and reached for her reading glasses and her the current book from her sideboard: A Brief History of Time by a Muggle astrophysicist. She flipped through her book to find where she left off the previous night. Snape seemed not to notice that she had stopped.

'He came, got his potion, drank and was gone before I even had time to register his presence.'

'Really?' she said uninterested, then turned a page.

'You would have thought I had spattergroit.' He finally looked at her.

She dropped her book on her lap and let out a frustrated sigh.

'Or m _ aybe _ he has had  _ enough _ of you accusing him of aiding Black all the bloody time!' She snapped but immediately regretted it. 'I ... I didn't -'

'You think he isn't?' Snape cut in. 'You think I am  _ imagining _ it all?' He said, angry, frowned so deeply his eyebrows nearly touched, and his face started to colour.

'NO!' she said quickly. 'No, I don't.' Snape sprang from the bed, but she took hold of his arm to stop him. 'I know you have your reasons for what you think, and I  _ agree _ with you, all the way.' He yanked his arm free, obtained his clothing and drew on his boxers.

'I am on  _ your _ side, Severus!' she cried out, then scrambled to the edge of the bed where her book fell from her lap as she stood.

'Yeah,' he jeered. He finished with his trouser, not bothering to do them up. 'It shows!' and crossed the room.

'No,' she gave a long groan. 'For fucks sake!' she said just above a whisper. 'Come back,' she called after. Snape ignored her and left via the floo in her bedroom, still shirtless. She slapped a hand in her face and let out a loud rumble of frustration and fury. Then she fell back on the bed.

'You fucking fucking TWAT!' she yelled at herself.

~~

Two weeks succeeding, February had arrived, and ALL of the staff, including Professor Binns, were summoned for a meeting.

Everyone stood around the staff room and looked tired, grumpy and perplexed. Snape glanced over to Lupin, who was the only one that chose to sit down; he had never seen him look so tired, so unwell. McGonagall and Dumbledore stood side by side at the top of the staff table.

'What is it, Albus?!' Sprout asked through a long yawn.

'Yeah, why did you call us here at this hour?' squeaked Flitwick.

Snape, who stood his arm crossed and side by side with Sinistra, scoffed. Heads shifted to him, about twenty pair of eye's stared.

'Surely even your simple minds can figure that out?'

That earned him some glares and a few whispers of, 'rude bastard!' That he was sure he was supposed to hear, but he ignored it. 'It has something to do with Black, of course,' he said as if it was plain. All heads snapped back to Dumbledore with expectant looks.

'Yes,' he said gloomily. 'Sit down.'

Everyone obeyed. Beneath the table, Sinistra placed a delicate hand on Snape's thigh and gave him a reassuring, gentle squeeze. 

The morning after their fall out, she went to his classroom to apologise. Sinistra told she was frustrated and, even though she understood all the work he has to do, and she knew it sounded selfish of her, but she felt neglected. When Sinistra left his classroom, sometime later, she thanked all the stars that she was a witch, where she could right her clothes and clean surfaces with a flick of her wand. Because, when Sinistra reached the top of the dungeon steps, she saw some chattering third years heading towards her to attend the first potions class of the day; a few gave her strange looks, not because of where she came from, but because they rarely see her this early in the mornings during the week.

Dumbledore told them about the break-in and the knife on a student. Everyone, bar Snape, gasped in shock and instantly started to mutter to its neighbour. Sprout and Poppy's eyes threatened to cry. Snape, however, kept his accusing eyes on Lupin. Lupin's face had drained of all colour and was clammy. He was shocked. Lupin looked more shocked than anyone, and he shook his head in tiny, fast movements; however, despite his look of disbelief, there was a fleeting flash of guilt on his face.

Ten minutes into the meeting and as the details of what had happened to Weasley unravelled, Lupin excused himself and was sick just outside the staffroom. When he returned and saw eyes on him, he realised that they had all heard him and apologised. Lupin stated that he has a touch of food poisoning. Poppy then had a go at him, called him an idiot, to why he didn't go to her, or Snape, for a potion.

It was more than an hour later before everyone was dismissed and could go back to their chambers.

~~

During the meeting (and a pounding headache,) Lupin purposely avoided Snape's tunnel-like eyes that he knew was on him. He was shocked by what he heard, so troubled he felt (and was) sick. But he also felt a fleeting moment of guilt that he was responsible. Though, he buried that guilt and told himself he was wrong.

After Halloween, Lupin felt that he should inform the headmaster what he knows about Black, but something  _ always _ stopped him. If he spoke, Dumbledore would know how much Lupin had lied to him, how much danger he had put students in; whilst a student and as a teacher. Dumbledore would fire him. He had gone above and beyond for Lupin when everyone else shunned him his whole life.

Dumbledore had risked a lot to get him into Hogwarts and even more to get him in as a teacher, and he would learn that that risk was in vain. Lupin can't tell him what he knew. Besides, does he  _ really  _ need too? There is no doubt about it, to him, that Sirius Black is getting into the castle using Dark Magic that he learnt from his master.  _ Not _ because he was an Animagus and knew all the secret tunnels into the castle. Lupin had convinced himself of that since the attack of the fat lady. And yet, he still felt a flurry of guilty deep down. 

One week after Sirius Black broke into Gryffindor tower, Lupin had been ordered to Snape's office.

'Lupin! I want a word!' Snape called, and Lupin felt a brief flutter in his stomach.

Lupin stepped through the fire and brushed himself free of dust.

'You called, Severus?' Lupin said mildly and was surprised when he noticed Harry Potter stood there and looked bewildered.

'I certainly did,' Snape said.

Harry bloody Potter had snuck his way into Hogsmeade by using a map he helped design! Lupin had never been so furious with the boy who was as reckless as his dad.

~~

_ 'Lupin! I want a word!' Snape called. He grinned and felt an unexpected whoosh of a flutter in his abdomen at being called. _

_ He wasted no time and passed through the fire and brushed himself free of dust. _

_ 'You called, Severus?' Lupin said mildly. _

_ 'I certainly did,' Snape said and stepped over to the werewolf. _

_ His boots sounded on the floor with every step until he stopped a foot away from Lupin. He could feel his heart thumping three times faster, and his chest rising quick. Snape said and did nothing. He just stood there and peered into his eyes. _

_ Lupin reached out, seized Snape's robes by the collar, pulled him in, and pressed his lips against the Slytherins. Snape laced his fingers then took a grip of his hair as the werewolf explored his mouth with his tongue. _

_ Suddenly, Snape drew his head back sharply, where Lupin whined at the loss of contact, not the pain. He looked at Lupin, smirked, then, with one hand on his head, he firmly pushed Lupin to his knees. Snape shrugged off his robes before he opened his flies then pushed his trousers and boxers down to his thighs. _

Lupin woke covered in a thin layer of sweat, whined to himself and quickly sorted out his cock that stood for attention.

He could barely sleep these days, and in the few hours of sleep that he did get, were invaded by dreams of Snape. It had been months since he had more than four hours of sleep a night. He considered going to Poppy for a potion, but he knew how addictive it could be.

_ ~~ _

It had been nearly three weeks since Sirus Black broke into Hogwarts, and nothing had been seen of him. Sinistra was exhausted from all the extra corridor patroles she had to do. Sinistra would teach until one or two am (depending on the year,) then do a watch of the castle for a few hours. Usually, on normal circumstances, night patrol ended at about eleven pm, so she never had to do it before due to her working schedule. All of the other professors, bar Snape and Sprout, voted her to do night patrol (heavily influenced by Septima Vector, who taught Arithmancy.)

The reasons were: one,  _ 'she always gets of out patrol' _ , and two, _ 'she is awake that late anyway, so what're a few extra hours? She can sleep during the day, _ ' was their (Vecto's) agreed theory.

She tried to protest, but she lost the battle. Though Sinistra absolutely refused to do Saturday and Sunday night watch. They were her two nights a week where she could relax, spend it alone, or with Snape, where she didn't have to leave him to go and teach at ten pm then come back in the early hours, of two, am, not that he ever complained. Sinistra would finish work, go to sleep and still wake about eight am. She was naturally an early riser. Even though she, like Snape, could function on little sleep, she now felt the results of not going to bed until six am and awake at nine or ten each day.

Saturday night, she slid into a hot bubble bath when she let out a great sigh of pleasure. Eyes closed as she enjoyed the heat absorb into her skin and the scent of coconut oil that filled the room, her mind drifted. She thought about when she saw Lupin at dinner that day and he looked how she felt, exhausted. His eyes were bloodshot and held big dark circles. Each time she saw the werewolf lately, he looked even more worn, and she couldn't help but feel partly to blame for that; guilt was starting to sink in. She thought of telling Lupin about the potion.

Enveloped by the heat, she was close to dropping asleep when she heard a knock on her door and jumped. She seemed startled that she would get a visitor. She knew it wasn't Snape he knew her password, never knocked or used her floo network. And he was busy tonight with detentions and the last of this months' wolfsbane.

Dumbledore only ever used her floo (due to the number of steps to her rooms,) and he never turned up without giving a fifteen-minute warning that he would be arriving; he had learned the lesson of just turning up once before. The look on his face was a picture, and he swiftly left, sputtering his apologies. Snape turned vivid red, his face in his hand, begging for a black hole to swallow him up. She, however, found it so humorous she could barely move where her limbs went weak from laughter. Snape, rolled his eyes and unceremoniously pushed her off his, now semi-soft, cock; where she fell limply sideways on the sofa, still laughing. Dumbledore couldn't look at her or Snape in the eyes for weeks; Sinistra grinned at the memory. And the other teachers rarely visited her chambers. 

So she was baffled as to who it could be. Whoever was at her door knocked again, this time more insistent. Curiosity got the better of her. She complained loudly and stepped out of her bath, soap studs clung to her dark skin, and she reached for her towel.

'What is it, Lupin?' she asked, when she opened the door, after she had dried and transfigured her towel into a robe with a wave of her wand.

~

'Was I - er - interrupting something?' he said surprisingly softly and glanced over her shoulder.

'If you mean Snape and me, then no, I would not have answered the door.' Lupin flushed. 'But I was having a very nice bath.'

'Oh - er - sorry.' A hand reached up around his nape, and he rubbed it nervously.

'Well?' Sinistra prompted after a moment.

'May I come in?'

'Are you sure?' She grinned. Lupin gave a small nod, and Sinistra stepped aside.

'Do you want a drink?' she said, full of irony and a small smile.

'Are you kidding?' he said through an incredulous laugh.

After a moment of stillness between the two, he spoke.

'Aurora,' Sinistra rose her brows, 'may I have an antidote to that drink? - Please,' he asked politely. Lupin was pleased to see her look like she was considering.

'I  _ need _ to speak with Severus. Terms are just like I said last time. Please, I beg you.'

Several long moments passed by, and Lupin could feel his head starting to thump from stress.

'Then beg,' said Sinistra, suddenly.

Lupin's head snapped up, eyes wide.

'I - I beg your pardon?' Lupin said lightly surprised.

'Go on, beg.'

Lupin's mouth hung open. He did not mean to literally beg, to degrade himself. Just for a potion? Was it really worth it?

_ You would be able to sleep again, Lupin. _ He told himself.

_ But to beg? _

_ What do you have to lose? _

_ How about my dignity? _

_ Then don't. Continue to look like an inferi. _

He looked up at Sinistra again, who was impassive. He breathed out sharply, then in one continuous movement, he dropped to his knees, 'Ple - '

'Oh, get up, you daft fool.' She cut in before he finished the first word, and she walked away to the kitchen.

She chose not to tell him the potion was fake but instead give him some water and pretend the antidote was in that.

'Here,' she said with a friendly manner and handed him a goblet. Lupin, who now stood, his face flushed with embarrassment, hesitated at first but took the offered goblet and swallowed it in one.

'Thank you,' he panted while he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

'Can I test it?'

'If you want,' she said unbothered. 'You may feel dizzy and want to sit the first time.'

Lupin thought for a moment of what to say, 'Mid-November, you kidnapped me -'

'Hey!' She pointed a firm finger at him. 'I did _ not _ kidnap you. You came to my door freely,' she said defensively. Lupin gave a small roll of the eyes.

'Mid-November, you  _ tied me up _ and held me  _ captive _ .' He started to feel his head go fuzzy but resisted.

'Thank you, that's more like it.'

'You told me things that not many people understand about Snape. Why he turned Death Eater, for example.' Lupin smiled when nothing happened.

'Thank you.' And he made to leave.

'Lupin?'

He paused and looked over his shoulder to her.

'Please, don't go barging to his rooms now. Wait a while, think about it. Catch him in the right mood.'

Lupin let out a laugh. 'When is Severus Snape ever in the right mood?'

'Well, after - '

'Apart from then?' he cut in loudly.

'A weekend day would be best, no work. A smaller chance where he is not as pissed off.'

Lupin nodded his thanks.

'For what its worth, I was feeling guilty about that potion, and I was going to give you the antidote. I am sorry for what I put you through. Well, half sorry.' There was a long pause. He studied her face to see if she was genuine. 

'Thank you, Aurora.' He said with the tiniest smile.

'Quits?' She asked with innocent eyes.

'Don't push it!' he said with a small snort.

~~

Lupin's mind felt a whole lot lighter now that Sinistra had voided the potion, though he hadn't found the right time to talk to him.

A Thursday evening, and he went for his last potion for February. Lupin knocked on Snape's door and entered without waiting for permission, which secured him a glare.

'Evening, Severus,' he said smoothly.

Snape said nothing.

Lupin picked up the seventh goblet and gulped it down quickly, then screwed up his face.

'So - er - thanks.' He paused for a heartbeat, then made to exit.

'Do you know why Dumbledore hired you?' Snape spoke so suddenly it made Lupin start somewhat. He returned to face Snape.

'Be - because he is a great man. Who will help anyone out.'

There was a pause. Snape rose, walked around his dark mahogany desk and sat on the edge. He extended his legs, crossed his ankles, then buried his hands in his pockets, and stared Lupin in the eyes with such intensity. Lupin's pulse started to rise, and couldn't help but think how inviting Snape looked like that. He had an unexpected urge to go and touch the man, to bury his fingers in his hair.

'Is he really? You think so?' he said silkily.'So why this year? If he was such a great man, why not offer you the job last year instead of getting that moron Lockhart? Or any other year, for that matter? When he knew you were a young struggling werewolf, whose friends had all died and couldn't hold down a job. Why offer you the job  _ this _ year specifically?' Snape's eyes flashed, in the low light. Lupin looked puzzled, and that sudden urge had died. He knew by Snape's tone that he was trying to goad him, to piss him off.

Lupin opened his mouth to answer, but Snape overrode him.

'Why offer you the job, the  _ very same year _ that Black escaped?' 'Suddenly, out of the blue, days before term starts, he comes to seek out his former best friend and offers him a job at Hogwarts? A heavy coincidence, do you not think?'

Quickly, the cold and gloomy dungeons felt far to hot for Lupin. His mouth opened, but his throat was too tight to speak.

'He hired you, Lupin,' Snape continued when Lupin said nothing, 'when you became useful to  _ him _ . To get information out of you, about Black. Thinking that you would know things about him that the ministry would not. Do not be so fooled by his greatness, Lupin.' Lupin kept eye contact with Snape for a moment. Lupin cleared his throat before he spoke.

'I think,' Lupin gave a short laugh, 'someone has had to much time to think.' And to his surprise, Snape flashed a smile. 'Thank you for the potion,' Lupin said kindly then went.

Once he left, he let out a long breath and congratulated himself for not being rolled in by Snape's bait to cause a dispute. Truth was, he was absolutely fuming. And for once, not with Snape, but with Dumbeldore. Because everything Snape said had made sense. Lupin didn't ever question Dumbledore as to why he had hired him, he was too grateful at being offered the job even think about it, let alone to question him.

He felt sick.

He felt dizzy.

He felt angry.

But worst of all, he felt  _ used _ .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6.
> 
> Sinistra is having a bad day.
> 
> Kudos, comment and share :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sinistra has a bad day. Lupin gets something of his mind.

Friday evening and Snape sat there around the large, decade-old, stained table and listened to the current argument occurring at the latest staff meeting, and, for once, it didn't involve him.

'Albus! I can not do another night shift!' Sinistra complained.

'And _why_ not?' Interrupted Professor Vector, Professors McGonagall, Flitwick, and Sprout all let out a groan.

She sat directly opposite Sinistra. Sinistra didn't bond with Vector when she started, though, saving Dumbledore and Sprout, she didn't talk much to any of the teachers, she kept herself to herself until she felt confident enough to come out of her shell. But Vector took it personally and started an argument with her one day and there had been a rift between the two ever since. Besides Dumbledore or Snape, no one dared to intervene when they argued.

'It been,' she paused to recall, 'I don't know. What bloody day is it?' She turned automatically to Snape, but Sprout answered.

'It is Friday the eleventh of March, Aurora,' she said with compassion.

'Five weeks, I have lived on three hours a sleep a day. It is unethical.'

Whilst everyone kept their eyes on the two bickering professors, Snape, meanwhile, kept his eyes on Lupin, who sat one seat up from Vector, as he regularly did in meetings. He sat slumped in the chair and looked bored. Lupin's eyes travelled back and forth from Sinistra and Vector.

'And yet, you expect us, you know, the professors who _have_ to get up and teach at nine am,' she said, and her tone gave a hint of superiority to it, 'to do a night watch then go and teach.' She snorted.

Sinistra chest rose and fell high as she breathed hard out her nose like a dragon would breathe out fire, and her body went tense. Under the table, Snape's hand rested on her rigid thigh and exerted gentle pressure, and he felt her relax to his touch instantly.

It was true that she didn't have to teach in the morning. But, unlike the other professors, she didn't get an hour lunch break or any breaks. She had to work in four houses for seven years during the five day week, for a few hours a night.

She planned it out so two houses would class together for an hour (two for seventh years). Which meant she had fourteen classes a week, three a night, instead of twenty-eight, which she wouldn't be able to fit in. But Vector felt more deserving of the title professor than Sinistra because _'three hours of teaching is hardly a lot, Sinistra.' She said when Sinstra complained one day in the staff room of being tired. 'You're more of a... part-time teacher. Unlike the rest of us who teach nine to four.'_ Snape had to hold her, so she didn't launch herself at Vector.

Though Vector was quick enough to forget that the others had two generous breaks during them seven hours, and had free periods.

'You can sleep during the day!' grunted Vector dismissively. 

'I can't sleep during the day. I have things to do! Just like everyone. And not _everyone_ is teaching at nine am. You, for example,' she aimed at Vector, 'who, if I am correct, only has to teach years three and above, so have fewer lessons that the rest of us. And most of you,' her eyes scanned the table, 'have free mornings of no lessons at least once a week.'

Vector gave a disregarded snort.

'When do you think I do my marking? My lesson plans? My eating? My meetings? In my fucking sleep?' Sinistra pressed her palms flat on the table and pushed herself off her chair. Vector mirrored Sinistra stance. 'I AM NOT A ROBOT! I AM HUMAN! I HAVE RIGHTS' she now yelled.

Snape reached the hand that was previously on her thigh, grasped her elbow and gave a gentle tug, where she naturally sat. He saw her eyes narrow in a way that would tell him that she was getting a headache by arguing with that dunderhead. 

'YOU HAVE GONE TEN YEARS OF NOT DOING PATROL -'

'AND YOU THINK -'

'LADIES!' Albus said above them, finally stepping in. 'That is enough!'

At that, Lupin turned his glance to Snape and seemed startled that Snape was watching him. They locked eyes, and, for a moment (but felt much longer), Snape turned deaf the to room. Lupin twitched the corner of his mouth as if he was going to smile at him, and, for a flash, Snape saw a pang of hunger in Lupin's eyes, one that he saw seventeen years ago. One that he saw the first time they had had sex. Snape's eyes widen, and Lupin quickly diverted his eyes back to the bickering women.

'Albus,' Sinistra exhaled and lowered in the chair, 'I can not do any more.'

'I understand where you are coming from, Aurora.'

'BUT -' Vector cut in, but Dumbledore silenced her with a raised hand.

'However, Septima has a point. And you did sign up for it -'

'I DID NOT!' Sinistra rose again from her seat. 'SHE,' she stabbed a finger at Vector, 'SIGNED ME UP FOR IT.'

'THAT IS A LIE!' Vector rose again. 'WE ALL,' Vectors hand swept the table, 'AGREED.'

Dumbledore let out an exhausted sigh, sat back, and held his forehead on his fingertips as the two women continued to fight.

'ONLY BECAUSE YOU PRESSURED THEM INTO IT!'

'I DID NO SUCH THING.' She thumped a fist to the table.

'IF ANYONE,' Dumbledore all but shouted, which silenced the two witches, 'is prepared to swap shifts with Aurora, then say.'

'I will be willing to take two of the night shifts,' Lupin said quickly, which caused all eyes to turn upon him.

'I can do Friday and Monday nights for her.'

Sinistra's jaw dropped, and Snape's head whipped around on her, a frown line formed between his eyes.

'Thank you.' Dumbledore and Sinistra answered together.

'I suppose I could do Wednesdays when I have a free morning.' Sprout said.

'Thank you.' Sinistra returned and smiled. 'I appreciate that.'

Vector sulked back into her chair, her arms crossed tightly over her chest, and her lips thinned.

'Now we have that sorted, let's progress to other points of this meeting. As you all remember, The Tri-Wizard Tournament will be at Hogwarts later this year through to next. I have received a reply from Beauxbatons and Durmstrange, they will not require castle accommodation, and they will arrive on the thirtieth of October. Which gives us just over six months to plan and prepare everything thoroughly.'

Thirty minutes off talking about the Tri-Wizard Tournament, and Dumbledore dismissed them all.

'Oh, and just before we leave,' he said, which had everyone pause in their rise from their seats. 'A very Happy Birthday to Sybill for Wednesday and Remus for yesterday.' They both blushed as the staff all wished them best wishes, then withdrew to their chambers.

~~~

'Remus, may I have a word?' Dumbledore called over the sounded of leaving professors at the end of the meeting.

'Certainly,' he replied politely.

'I haven't seen much of you the last fortnight,' the Headmaster started when left alone. 'Since the full moon.'

Dumbledore was clearly expecting an answer. He had been avoiding him. He didn't want to talk to him in case he said something he regretted.

'I have been busy, Headmaster. Preparing for exams, marking, lesson planning, etcetera,' Lupin said dryly, and he wasn't technically lying; he had been doing that.

Dumbledore looked at him over the rim of his half-moon glasses; his sky-blue eyes sparkled.

'Is there anything you wish to tell me?'

_Yes, I'd like to tell you to stick your fucking job up your fucking arse, you prick!_

_'_ No.'

'You and Sinistra seemed to be getting on better? Freeing her from some of her night shifts? Very kind of you.'

Lupin couldn't miss the accusation in his tone.

'We have spoken through our differences, that's all.' He half-lied and privately frowned at having to justify himself.

~~

'What the hell was that?!' Snape snapped the moment his chamber doors shut. Sinistra jumped from the sudden noise.

'I'm sorry? What was what?' she replied, baffled. She didn't need this, not from Snape as well as Vector tonight. She could feel a vain pulse in her temple, the start of a migraine.

'THAT!' His hands frantically waved to the door that had just closed. 'In the staff room, just now!'

'Well, I believe, it was a row between me _-'_

 _'_ Not _that_!' he snarled with a curl of his lip. 'That between you and Lupin!' Snape's face had coloured with rage.

Sinistra eyebrows rose so high they nearly touched her hairline, and her mouth dropped low.

'Ex - cuse me?' She answered low, clearly insulted. 

'Are you and -'

'DON'T YOU DARE!' She shouted, and Snape blinked, taken aback. Sinistra advanced to Snape in two strides and stabbed her finger in the air angrily at him. 'DON'T YOU _DARE_ FINISH THAT!' She bellowed so loud, her throat burned and her head protested at her outburst. She took a few long breaths to regain herself. 

'You have _no_ idea,' she continued hoarsely, 'what I have done for you. _None_ . I would catch a grenade for _you_ .' She stabbed her finger at him again and privately winced as the pressure in her head pressed, but she ignored the pain and continued. 'So don't you fucking dare insinuate what I think you were about too, or we are finished! I can (and do) put up with a lot, but I will _not_ tolerate these allegations.'

She knew she was acting slightly dramatic, but if there's one thing Sinistra hated more than anything, and that was accusations of stuff she hadn't done. It was like a trigger inside her that made her lose her temper instantly.

Sinistra and Snape have had their fair share of arguments, but he has never insinuated her of cheating on him. She felt satisfied that Snape had a look of regret in his eyes. Her head was now throbbing. 

'Why, is he offering to do your night shifts?' His tone was a lot softer.

'I don't know,' she snapped impatiently. 'Go and ask him yourself.' She motioned towards the door behind her. 'Oh, but that's right, Snape doesn't like to be in the same room as the werewolf for more than two minutes!' She taunted, she knew that was a low blow, even for her, but Snape said nothing.

'Has it ever occurred to you,' she said barely above a whisper, 'that he is as much the sixteen-year-old Remus Lupin as you are still sixteen-year-old Severus Snape?' 

Her head sunk into her hands. There was a stillness in the room before she looked up and spoke again.

'People -' She paused, gave a tiny cough, blinked slowly, swallowed then continued, 'change, Severus. I... I would have thought -.'

Sinistra didn't get to finish as suddenly she launched herself towards his bathroom and threw up.

Snape knew she was going to be sick, he recognised the signs. He followed after her where she kneeled beside his loo, hands gripped onto the rim as she emptied her stomach. He bent and held her dark hair back and placed a soothing hand between her shoulders until she had finished.

Sinistra sat on the sofa, elbows on her knees and her face bedded her hands when she had finished in the loo. Whilst Snape went straight to the kitchen and got her a glass of water and a potion.

'Here,' he said quietly, 'take this.'

She looked up, and he handed her the glass and phial. Sinistra took both gratefully, drank and sighed in relief at the instant release of pressure from her head. He always gave her a mild sleeping draught, as well as a powerful pain relief when she had a migraine. It helped her recover. She knew he did this and never protested.

'Thank you,' Sinistra said drowsily, then softly fell to the side on the sofa into a deep slumber.

Snape scooped her up in his arms and carried her to his rooms. With wandless magic, he drew back the layers of their large bed, then laid her down in the middle. Snape gently slid off her shoes one by one, followed by her trousers. Next, he awkwardly scrambled her out of her top. He knew he could do vanish Sinstra's clothes with a wave of his wand, but it felt improper in this situation. When left in just her dark skin and mismatched underware, he rested her back down and stood beside the bed.

_You have no idea what I have done for you, none!_

_What had she done for me that I do not know about?_

Snape brushed curls of hair out of her face and covered her with the thin duvet; she will sleep, snoring softly, until morning. He stood there where he looked down upon the woman for a few minutes. 

_I would catch a grenade for you!_

_As would I for you._

A sudden wave of warmth washed over him while he watched her sleeping form. She curled up into a fetal position and her hair fell over her face, so he brushed it away again, then turned and exited to his living room. He walked to his desk, pulled an old piece of parchment and sent a letter to Dumbledore _telling_ him she will not be teaching tonight due to being unwell.

~~

Sinistra woke on her front, spread eagle in just her underwear in a familiar bed. Her cheek wet from dribble and a mild stiff neck, but well rested and no headache. She slowly rolled over and sat up, wiped her cheek with grace and rolled her neck.

'Morning,' Snape muttered, who sat in a chair next to the bed with a book open in his lap.

'What time is it?' she said quietly and scrubbed her eyes awake.

'Just gone midday.'

'Oh my god. You should have woken me.'

'You needed to sleep.'

Sinistra couldn't dispute that. She really did need the sleep.

'Aurora?' Snape said during a long yawn from Sinistra.

'Hmm?' She replied as she combed her fingers through her hair, her eyes focused on Snape.

'I am sorry for last night,' Snape said sincerely.

If she had not seen Snape's lips move, she would never have believed he said that. A man who rarely ever apologised because he was too damn stubborn and proud.

'Do my ears deceive me?' she said with a short laugh. 'Is Severus Snape apologising?' He gave a small, stiff nod.

'I should never have -'

'No. You shouldn't have,' Sinistra said, but without any of the anger that she held the night before. 'You should know that, after all this time, I am yours, you bloody fool. Let's just forget about it and move on.' After a long pause, she spoke again. 

'Did you sleep there all night?' She gestured the chair.

Snape nodded.

'What have I told you about sleeping in chairs, Snape? It's not good for you.' She told as a mother had told of her child.

'I fell asleep reading this book.' He indicated to the book on his lap. Which was not entirely a lie. He did fall asleep about one am with the book in his lap, half reading, half keeping watch on Sinistra.

~~~

It was gone midnight, and Snape sat, in his high back armchair, alone in the staff room as he read the evening Daily Prophet; still no sign of Black. He doesn't know how long he had sat there for when he heard someone enter. Snape peered to see it was Lupin. The Gryffindor, however, hadn't noticed him as he walked over to get a late-night beverage. Snape's dark eyes watched him over the top of his paper and followed his movements. Lupin filled up a mug, turned with his head bowed and looked deep in thought whilst he slowly stirred his tea, presented a yawn. He moved, Snape would guess, to sit in a free armchair.

'Something on your mind, Lupin?' Snape said softly, and he lowered his paper. Lupin jumped so severely his coffee sloshed over the side and burnt his hand.

'Fuck!' he hissed as he waved the hot liquid off his hand and ran to the sink to pour cold water over the burn, so it didn't blister. Snape gave an ironic roll of his eyes.

'How useful would it be if you knew someone who could do magic? They could heal that burn with a flick of a magic stick,' he said, flowing sarcasm. Lupin paused and reddened.

As subtly as he could, Lupin moved his unburnt hand to his back pocket, slipped out his wand and, barely above a whisper, spoke a spell that healed his hand back to health.

'I am just getting a coffee before I take over Auror's night shift. She finishes in about fifteen minutes,' he muttered as he remade his drink.

Snape knew this, as he, too, was waiting for her to finish.

'Why did you offer, Lupin?' Snape asked dryly. He hadn't found the chance to ask him since the meeting last week.

'I felt sorry for her.' He shrugged and walked towards the sofa, sat down and took a long sip of coffee, followed by a soft sigh of pleasure.

'That is all? Pity?' Lupin nodded gently. 'No other motives?' Lupin shook his head gently.

Snape seemed to accept his answer as he shrugged, then threw his paper on the table and pushed himself from his chair to leave to go to the astronomy tower.

'I'msorrySeverus.' Lupin blurted out when Snape was near the door, then mentally swore to himself as that is not what he had planned to say or even how to say it.

Snape stiffened midstep. He didn't turn, and he said nothing for a long while. The tension in the room had suddenly hardened.

'You are sorry for what?' Snape said flatly, still his back faced to Lupin. Lupin placed his mug on the table and stood.

Lupin hesitated for a heartbeat before he answered. 'That I -' he paused.

Snape turned in slow motion to face him, and Lupins mouth went dry.

'For everything,' he rasped, then cleared his throat quietly.

Snape stared at him blankly, and his body went rigid. It was like time had frozen.

'I am sorry for being such a coward at school,' he said to the floor.

Snape said nothing. All Lupin could hear right now was the blood thumping in his ear.

'I am sorry that I didn't have the guts to stand up to James and Sirius.' Lupin looked up.

Snape said nothing, face blank, yet his wand arm flexed at the mention of their names. 

'If I am honest, I was scared.' Lupin addressed to the floor just by Snape's feet, 'Afraid to upset them. They were my dorm mates for seven years after all, and they could have ruined my life in a flick of a switch if I defiled them.' He looked up into the blank eyes of Snape.

''They never knew that I was bisexual. I know they would _not_ accept me being 'poofter.'' Lupin made quotation marks with his fingers. And Lupin wasn't lying, Black and Potter (as with most people) openly thought that being anything but straight was sickening and offensive. 'I knew what the hands of the two could do, even to those who just simply annoyed them. It was my greatest flaw, wanting friends, wanting to be accepted. And I was _so_ grateful for their acceptance of me, so I did not stand up to them as much as I knew I should have,' Lupin said quietly. 'I _hated_ how they treated you, even before we were potion partners, but I could never tell them to lay off.'

Snape said nothing.

Lupin took two careful steps towards the Slytherin, who instinctively took one step back.

'I appreciate it's a poor excuse, Severus. And it is my greatest regret. The biggest fuck up of my life.' Neither of them needed Lupin to elaborate on what 'it' was.

Snape said nothing, but he hadn't left.

'If I could wave my wand and take it all back, I would. I would do it in a heartbeat. I know it doesn't make up for what happened. For - for all the damage they caused. But I am truly sorry,' Lupin said with intense shame in his voice, his heart thumped so hard against his ribs, and his skin was so hot it felt on fire.

Snape said nothing.

'I am sorry for judging you so poorly for who you hung around with at school and your life choices. I understand. I understand why you felt they were a better option.'

Snape squinted his eyes in speculation. This was the first time he had revealed he was listening to the werewolf; that there was actually a person behind the blank stare, Lupin now felt he was going too deep and would need to elaborate. 

'I -' Lupin stopped. Was he now pushing his luck, he wondered. But he had come this far without having his balls hexed off.

'I am sorry that I let you go so easily,' Lupin said, not quite meeting Snape's black eyes.

Snape said nothing, but his nostrils flared.

'I am sorry.'

Snape stood as he heard Lupin spill out all of these apologise. If Snape didn't see Lupin's lips move, he wouldn't have believed he heard such sincere apologies from him.

'Please, Severus.' The werewolf continued and took another step forwards. Snape did not move.

Lupin placed a hand around his nape and rubbed tensely. 'I realise we will never be bosom friends, but I do not dislike you, and I would like that feeling returned.' And he let go of his neck and held out a hand that hinted a tremble. 'Please.'

Snape's eyes slowly directed onto Lupins offered hand.

There was a long awkward silence. Lupin started to sweat and fidget on his feet. After what seemed an existence, Snape slowly moved his hand and took hold of the extended hand. The hot, surprisingly soft skin that he last touched seventeen years earlier clasped firmly around him and Lupin gave a meek smile.

At the contact, it was like someone had switched on a light, and his mind travelled back to the last time he touched his skin. The day before his DADA exam. A buried memory.

_Lupin laid on his front, his fingers gripped the sheets with avid anticipation. A warm palm smoothly flowed down his back, followed by a path of kisses. The warm hand ran over and around Lupin's arse. Lupin moaned deep in his chest at the touch and lightly raised his hips, then dropped them. Snape snaked his hand around to his abdomen and swiftly pulled his hips up._

Snape let go very quickly as if Lupin's touch had just burned him.

'Well, that is better than a slap in the face.' Lupin chuckled nervously.

Snape stood there for half a minute, although it felt like half an hour before he turned gracefully and exited. Not once saying a word or quite believing what had just occurred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 is nearly finished.
> 
> Kudos, comment and share :)


	7. Chapter 7

Snape's legs instinctively walked him to his chambers. His brain raced with everything Lupin had just told him. He was sorry, and he didn't hate him. Snape didn't know how to take it all. At the touch of hands, he felt a surge of _something_ rush through him, but it wasn't hatred. Lupin's apologies felt like a weight in him that he didn't know he was holding had dissolved. Snape walked to his kitchen and decanted into a tumbler, two fingers firewhiskey, downed it in two gulps, then did a double-take. Snape pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned; he should have gone to Sinistra, not his rooms.

One hour later, and after another double firewhiskey, he stepped into Sinsitra's rooms. She was asleep, laid on her front, one arm used as a pillow, the other laid upwards by her side and, as usual, her mouth open _—_ and she was nude; the corner of his lip curved into a grin, and Lupin quickly left his mind. He stood and watched her breathing evenly for what seemed like a long time.

Snape's sights never left Sinistra as he kicked off his boots and his fingers moved to his shirt. He released his buttons and shrugged it off. He moved on to his trousers, where he let them pool onto the floor around his ankles, then proceeded to the bottom of the bed and gently removed the covers. Which made Sinistra stir but not wake. The large bed dipped under his weight, and he gently nudged her legs open with his knees, then kneeled between them. She stirred again. Snape's pale hand was highlighted against her coffee coloured skin when he placed a palm at her nape. In one smooth movement, he slowly stroked down her back, then over and around the curve of her arse, and delivered a gentle squeeze. He bowed and peppered open-mouthed kisses across her skin.

'Mmmm, Severus,' she moaned drowsily. Snape kissed his way up her back, his erection bedded in the cleft of her bare arse. She moaned again.

'Do you want this?' Snape purred in her ear, his voice like velvet, and ground his groin to emphasise 'this.' Snape's fingers travelled down her waist as he pulled back. He gripped her hips and pulled them up swiftly. Sinistra gasped, and she let out a muffled, 'Yesss,' as her hands stretched up to seize on to the bars of the headboard and locked them in place.

~~

Snape stood unmoved in the steaming shower with his head bowed, eyes closed, dark, wet hair clung to his skin and relished the hot pinlike sprays on his neck. Last night flashed in his mind.

_'I realise we will never be bosom friends, but I do not dislike you, and I would like that feeling returned.'_

Did he want to be friends with Lupin? He just can't see it. Civil? Yes. Friends? No. He forgave Lupin (and only Lupin) for the werewolf prank a long time ago. He believed that Lupin had no part in that. It was him not stopping Black and Potter, his cowardness, with why he hated Lupin so much. A forgotten memory flashed in the front of his mind.

_'I really like you, Severus,' said sixteen-year-old Lupin._

_'Don't let your friends hear you say that,' Snape said earnestly._

_'I'm not scared of them,' Lupin replied._

But he was scared of them.

Eyes still closed, Snape circled his shoulders and heard a small pop between his shoulder blades as he did so, then he rolled his head and faced upwards, so the sprays massaged his head and face.

_'My greatest flaw was wanting friends, wanting to be accepted. And I was so grateful for their acceptance of me.'_

Well, Snape knew how that felt. He, too, desired acceptance. And he was accepted by Mulcibur, Avery and Malfoy. Snape wouldn't have called them his friends, but they never bullied him. He, like Lupin, said nothing when they cursed one of Lily Evans friends, he can't remember her name. They used dark magic, yes, but they had _never_ tried to kill a student, they weren't as bad as Potter and Black.

 _And I wasn't fucking the person they cursed._ Snape frowned.

Could he forgive Lupin for that?

Snape jumped when a voice spoke.

'Hurry the fuck up, Snape! Others need a shower, too.' Sinistra complained of the other side of the shower screen, he hadn't heard her enter.

'You know. We could save time (and water) and just shower together,' Snape said smoothly, his tone clear of his purpose.

'Until Dumbledore approves my request of a dual shower (with body jets, I might add) then, no.' Snape opened the shower door, which let out a cloud of steam, then stepped out, his skin red from the heat. He closed the door, then took the towel that hung on the hook and wrapped it around his hips. 'My arse ain't getting frozen for no amount of delicious dick,' she added and glanced at his covered groin.

Snape gave a small roll of the eyes; she regularly complained about this. Sinistra shuffled off her Hufflepuff yellow dressing gown, then stepped into the fogged shower and groaned audibly at the needle sprays that beat her back.

'And how many times has he respectfully declined your request?'

'Seven, I think. Possibly eight,' she called above the water.

~~

After they were both dressed, they sat opposite each other, in her front room for breakfast, where Snape told her about the previous night, and after a long gap, she spoke.

'Do you still hold feelings for him?' Sinistra asked bravely through a bite of her toast as Snape scooped up a large spoon of porridge.

Snape held his spoon halfway to his mouth while he stared at her as he tried to figure out if she was serious or not. He does not possess feelings for Lupin. Them feelings died a long, long time ago.

'No!' Snape replied sternly, following a few minutes of silence, where his oats had fallen from his spoon.

'Then don't look back in anger, Severus. Lupin is clearly genuinely sorry for what happened, and I think that is all you ever wanted.' She took another bite of toast and continued. 'Also, it sounds like his position was similar to yours. Hanging around with the wrong people but for the right reasons (or so you thought). After all, they _were_ your dormmates. And both or you have deep regrets for it in the later years.'

'He,' he directed his oat covered spoon at the door, 'does not regret being friends with them. Not like I do, who wished I never met them Slytherin _bastards._ He regrets being a pussy.' He corrected her and scooped his porridge again.

'And yet, he still regrets it and wishes he could take it back.'

They finished their breakfast in silence.

~~~

Lupin sat by the window in the staffroom and soaked in the landscape, views that never grew old. The trees of the Forbidden Forest swayed on this bright yet windy spring day. Shadows of the large, dense clouds appeared then disappeared on the budding grass while they raced and blocked the sun's view of Hogwarts. Lupin noted that there weren't many students out enjoying their Sunday free, too windy. Though he saw a group of five by the lake, the two boys skimmed rocks whilst the three girls laid on the floor side by side, occasionally they pointed up into the sky, and laughed; finding images in the every changing clouds he would assume, Lily used to do it with Mary. It brought back memories of when he would go and sit by the lake with James, Sirius and Peter.

'Has anyone seen Aurora this weekend?' Professor Sprout asked kindly as she walked into the room. Lupin's attention turned to her. 'I need to ask her something.'

That reminded him that he had not seen Snape all weekend. Not even a hint of him. He asked Dumbledore casually over breakfast that morning if he had seen Snape, but he hadn't either.

'No. She is busy,' Dumbledore replied softly. 'She's most likely catching up on sleep and marking.'

Since his confessions of apologies to Snape two nights ago, he had forgotten about Sinistra and Snape being an item. He knew that she would be with the Slytherin. His stomach coiled tightly with envy.

Professor Vector gave a derisive snort.

'You mean, the tart is spreading her legs for Snape to dip his _dick_!' she responded, her expression made it clear she did not approve. And, if Lupin was not mistaken, there was envy in her tone. Lupin's mouth hung open like a fish. Flitwick squeaked in surprise. Sprout turned crimson, and Dumbledore frowned deeply, he had never seen Dumbledore frown.

'I care not what you think of Aurora, but you will NOT use such vulgar language about a work colleague in this castle again!' His tone stern and showing Vector who is boss. The whole room went so still you could have heard a pin drop. 'Do you understand me!' Vector nodded. 'Pardon?' Dumbledore asked.

'Yes, sir. Sorry.' Not sounding sorry at all.

'What Aurora does in her private time is none of your business. If she wants to be with him, then that is her business. If she wants to be with all the men in Hogsmeade, that is also her business.' All eyes were on Dumbledore, except his, who were on Vector. In the six months that he had been at Hogwart, no one has ever implied acknowledgement that Sape and Sinistra were an item. They both did a great job of keeping it private. None of the students knew, and he would never have known if he didn't work it out when Sinistra drugged him. But Snape was always very good at keeping things hidden; no one ever knew about him and Snape, ever, except Sinistra.

Dumbledore's blue eyes scanned the room over the top of his half-moon glasses and lingered for a moment on each of the four professors.

'This will not leave this room.' His tone just as stern. 'What she said goes no further.'

No one answered.

'Do you understand?' They all nodded eagerly and genuinely. Lupin then queried how many times he had had to do this, to stop either Snape or Sinistra knowing then hexing Vector into next week. He didn't know what type of companion Snape was, but he would suspect that he would not hold for someone calling his partner a tart.

Dumbledore left with a sharp shut of the door, Vectors eyes followed him. Sprout and Flitwick moved to the sofa and started to talk. 

_There was definitely jealousy in her voice, no one could miss that._

_Vector jealous of Sinistra?_

_But it didn't make sense. Did she want Snape? To his knowledge, she hadn't ever sent a furtive glance to him. It was_ always _Sinistra that she —._

Then it hit him like a punch in the gut.

 _Oh my god! She is jealous of_ Snape _!_

_Vector wants Sinistra! It all made sense now._

_Vector arguing with Sinistra is attention from her — negative attention is still attention. How had no one else noticed? Or maybe they did? No one could surely miss that jealousy in her voice._

He rose, then walked to sit next to her at the table, who turned her head sharply at the intrusion and scowled.

'What do _you_ want?' She said. Vector was another teacher who had barely spoken since he arrived, but her reasons differed from Sinistras. She stayed away from Lupin as much as she could. She was one of the few teachers who didn't want him hired because he was a werewolf. Snape because he convinced he was in league with Balck, and their past, Sinistra because she naturally sided with Snape and Trelawney was very doubtful of him arriving at Hogwarts, claiming that terrible things will happen if he comes.

'Why do you not like Sinistra?' Lupin asked mildly. Going by Vectors wide eyes of surprise, this is not a question she expected.

'It's none of your fucking business.'

 _'_ I know why you don't like her,' he said low. Vector rose a challenging brow.

'I beg your pardon?'

'You're good. I give you that. But you gave it away when you said what you said just now.'

'What are you talking about, _werewolf_!' she spat back. Lupin refrained from snapping back, he didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she pissed him off.

'It's not what you said. It is how you said it. What you said was cruel, but your words were dripping with jealousy.'

Vector gave an incredulous laugh, 'You think _I_ want to be in her place, to be with Snape, that grease ball?' And she laughed. Lupin glared.

'No.' Lupin said seriously. 'I think you want to be in _Severus'_ place _.'_

Her face paled immediately and, for a flash, looked panicked, but she controlled herself quickly.

'It all makes sense.' Lupin continued. 'You, having Sinistra do all the night watches where you know so she will have no time with Snape. Clever.' There was a long pause.

'You sure do have a wild imagination, Lupin.' She gave a short snort. 'Do you get yourself off, _werewolf,_ at the thought of two female colleagues?' She said quietly so the other two professors couldn't her, but her tone was full of spite. 'I knew werewolves were flea-ridden monsters, not worthy of breathing the same air as us, but a _pervert_ too? You're disgusting.'

Lupin had the urge to throat punch her but quickly restrained himself. It would not be a good idea. She rose sharply so that her chair scraped along the floor, and Sprout and Flitwick looked over. Vector leaned down closely to Lupin and curled her lip as she said coldly, 'If you ever make such innuendos again, I will make sure you are fired. Pervert.'

Lupin concluded that he did not like her at all.

~~~

Five Fridays later and Lupin regretted offering to take over Friday watch. Monday he could do fine, but Friday was tough because he was exhausted after the weeks' work. 

Every Friday evening, after the castle had gone to sleep, Lupin would proceed to the staffroom. He would get himself a drink, and sometimes he would have a nap while he waited to start his night watch. Frequently he thought, or maybe hoped, that Snape would be there. Tonight was no different.

Lupin's shoulders felt a whole lot lighter since he and Snape started to be civil. Snape didn't talk much, which wasn't unusual for him as he hardly spoke to anyone. But the scornful glares from the Slytherin had subsided, and he no longer left when he entered the staff room, so that was a win for the werewolf. Lupin was still wary, he didn't approach him when other professors were nearby. Sometimes when he spoke to Snape, with an offered drink, Lupin felt that nothing had ever happened between the two, and it was like they were back to being sixteen again.

His feet took him to the staffroom, and his eyes, without his permission, eagerly gazed around the room.

Sat alone in an old, yet comfortable, high back armchair was Snape. Lupin gave an automatic wide smile. Shadowed by the low light, Snape sat forwards, and a lock of hair fell forwards slightly, which showed some pale skin of his neck, Lupin felt he looked oddly open like that. His elbows leaned on his splayed knees, where his left hand dangled lazily between them, his long fingertips lightly held the top of a glass that contained what he believed was Firewhiskey. His other poised over an assumed charmed and very old Muggle chessboard sat in front of him.

Deeply absorbed in the game, a line formed between his eyes as he gently rolled the nipple of a bishop between his thumb and middle finger, apparently unaware that he was doing this. Fingers that once, many years ago, did that to his very own nipples. A tingle of electricity flashed down Lupin’s spine to his groin as he witnessed this and forced himself to choke the groan that threatened to surface. Snape seemed oblivious to his appearance.

Snape tilted the bishop slightly, still, absentmindedly playing with its nipple, and appeared to have made up his mind on where to move it, which he did.

He raised his glass and took a long swallow of the golden liquid, then lowered his arm lazily between his legs again; as he waited for the board to take its turn.

He flinched when Snape spoke suddenly. 'Are you going to stand there and leer all night, Lupin?' he said low without taking his eyes off the chessboard. His smooth, velvet voice sounded louder in the empty room.

'Oh, er, evening,' he greeted kindly, then slowly strode over to the game and took ownership of the seat opposite the Slytherin.

Snape's eyes drifted up from the board for the first time to the Gryffindor when he sat, and his hand lifted to take in some more liquor. Black eyes locked onto hazel eyes over the rim of his glass.

'May I?' Lupin asked.

'May you what?'

'Have a glass?' he nodded at the bottle next to Snape's feet.

Snape asked if Lupin wanted to take over the game with him, but he declined and claimed that he was useless at chess, which is true, and that he had to start watch in an hour. So Lupin sat there and watched the game before him whilst he drank. The look of Snape thinking had not changed one bit since they were sixteen. Snape took the players pawn and lined up next to the others he had taken, in size order, not a piece out of place. Lupin smiled, and at the same time, Snape glanced up when he consumed some more of his drink.

'What is so funny?' he asked slowly.

'You use to do that in potions.'

Snape rose a questioning brow, urging him to continue. 'You use to line up everything we needed for our potion, in perfect order of when needed.'

Snape did not know he did this. No one had ever pointed it out to him. Snape took hold of his bishop again, thumb and middle finger, like before. 

'You also feel up the bishop,' Lupin chuckled deep into his glass, and Snape quickly let go of the bishop as if it was on fire and scowled at the man opposite him. The last time Snape had seen him smile like that was when they were _—_ potion partners. Despite his greying hair, the laugh made him look ten years younger. He regarded as Lupin took the last of his drink and refilled it.

'Do you think it is prudent, Lupin, to be drinking just before you go on a night shift? Snape said, his voice held a slight wobble, as he slumped back in his chair, knees splayed, tilted his head back, shut his eyes and abandoned the game.

Lupin paused, drink poised to his lips.

'No.' He gave another laugh then took a further swallow. Eyes shut, Snape's lips curved into a grin at his boldness then blindly raised his glass to him and took another gulp.

'I am too drunk to play this!' he mumbled quietly. Which was true, he was drunk, but the comment of the bishop and him 'feeling it up' put him off wanting to continue.

Lupin couldn't help but stare at Snape. He looked so tempting sat there. The low light formed shadows on his face, his knees open wide, and his head tipped back where he could see his Adam's apple bob when he naturally swallowed. The moment felt very intimate to Lupin. Both alone, Snape so open, even if he didn't realise it himself.

He could imagine stood between the open thighs, his palms gripped each arm of the chair and caged the man in. He would lower himself, then slowly and smoothly lick his hot, wet tongue up his tilted neck, to his jaw, and up to his ear, emitting a long, low moan from the man below him. He would brush a kiss across Snape soft, warm lips then leave a trail of kisses and sucks down the Slytherin's long neck. Snape would draw down his zipper and release his semi-hard cock, and begin to stroke it to full hardness for the werewolf. Then he would glide to his knees and engulf the long cock into his mouth until his nose buried into Snape's dark curls. Snape fingers would thread in his greying hair, and buck his hips into his mouth.

Lupin had to bite down a groan and shift his position. He decided to change the subject before he did something he might regret.

'What is the deal with Sinistra and Vector?' Lupin asked. The two had had another row the day before in the staff room and thought he might be able to get some more out of the Slytherin. Even though he knew it, he wanted confirmation, and Lupin knew alcohol makes one talk more. Also, if he talked about Sinistra it would remind him that Snape was not a free man.

'What do you mean?' Snape replied vaguely, his position unchanged. 

'Well, what is the story between the two? Why do they hate each other so much?'

With his head rested back, Snape opened one eye to see Lupin had relaxed into his chair and had one ankle rested on his knee, elbow on the armchair and a new drink in his hand. Snape drained the last of his drink.

'They have never got along,' Snape said indifferently.

'Do you know why?' He ignorantly, and to Lupins surprise, Snape smirked.

'Oh, yes. Professor Vector is a jealous and bitter woman,' Snape said 'She wants something that she can't have.'

'What does she want? Why is she bitter?' Lupin enquired and took an extra drag of liquor. To his surprise, Snape chortled so low he would have missed if the room wasn't so empty.

'Because she wants to be the one between Aurora's legs eating out her cunt, and have her scream her name.' The words slipped out of his mouth before he even had the chance to process what he said. His eyes opened in realisation.

'I think I have drunk enough,' he whispered, then set his empty glass aside. Even though Lupin knew this, he still burned bright red. There was stillness between the two. Snape sat up straight now, and his eyes locked onto Lupin. Lupin was sure there was a hidden challenge in Snape's look

'Er _—_ So does Sinistra know this?' he said a few minutes later. Snape gave a slow shake of the head.

'Well, she is certainly good at hiding the fact that she likes her. She is so mean towards her. _Always_ picking fights.'

'She may have fooled the others, but doesn't fool me,' Snape said.

'Why can she not have her?'

'Because Aurora doesn't like the spiteful woman.' Snape paused. 'Well, that and the fact that she's not queer.'

Snape must be drunker than Lupin first thought, he is using contractions, he never used contractions. 

When Snape did not elaborate, Lupin continued.

'I can understand why not having Sinstra could make her bitter. But _—_ er _—_ why would it make her jealous? Who is she jealous of?'

Snape's eyes widened, and his brows elevated slightly. He was clearly not expecting the question. He seemed to be doing some quick thinking. He stared Lupin dead in the eyes for what felt like a record.

Lupin expected a sharp response, telling him to, 'mind your own business,' that 'you are a nosey bastard,' but instead, a slow grin spread across his face, and he suddenly seemed very sober.

'Oh, I think you know.' His low silky voice echoed the room that sent a shiver down the werewolf's spine and shifted his eyes to the abandoned chessboard. 'You're not as stupid as you look, Lupin.' Lupin could swear he heard approval in Snape's voice. Lupin hid his blush behind his drink. The two sat there in the comfortable stillness for ten minutes, Lupin barely able to take his eyes off the Slytherin back to his previous position.

Courage fueled solely by alcohol Lupin expressed something bold and very stupid. Something he was sure he would regret in the morning.

'I meant what I said all them years ago,' he whispered in a husky undertone. Snape lifted his head off the back of the rest, confused, he eyed the Gryffindor; who had shifted to the edge of his seat, his eyes shone in the low light.

'You meant what?' he asked quietly.

'I did love you.' Lupin overlooked the rise of the heat of his skin. He ignored the blood that drummed in his ears and his brain telling him this was a bad idea. He drilled his eyes into the ebony ones. 'And, In some weird way, I still desire you now.'

Snape chortled softly. 'You're hilarious, Lupin.'

'Lupin?' Came a voice which made them both start. She brought him back to reality, completely sober. She reminded him that Snape was not free, and he is treading on dangerous territory.

'What are you doing here?' Sinistra asked as she strode over towards her lover. Lupin's head snapped up to the woman.

 _'_ Oh, Shit!' he panicked and scrambled out of his chair. 'Fuck! Sorry. I'm so so sorry. Shit!' he said almost hysterical, eyes on Snape and set his drink next to the chessboard. 'Sorry.'

'All right, Lupin. Calm your tits. You are not _that_ late.'

Lupin glanced at his watch, and he was twenty minutes late for his duty, then at Snape, who looked confused. He nodded his goodbye to Sinistra, glanced once back at Snape and left swiftly.

'What was that about?' Sinistra asked. 'It looks like you have seen a ghost.'

'Huh?' his attention on her. 'Oh. He wanted to know why you and Vector don't get along.' He answered.

'Oh.'

Sinistra straddled his lap, her hand curved around the back of his neck and pulled him in, her warm, moist lips on his, and he returned the kiss enthusiastically.

'You're drunk.' She whispered as she pulled back slightly, he knew she would smell and taste the whiskey on him, he had had enough of it.

'Yep,' he said unbothered.

'Yep? Damn, you are _very_ drunk.' She laughed into his mouth as kissed him again, slowly, and unhooked a button of his robes.

'We, Professor Snape, are all alone,' she said in an attractive voice and unhooked a further two buttons.

'Hmmm,' he hummed into her mouth. 'That we are, Professor Sinistra,' he purred and pulled away, 'but let us take this to my rooms.' He said as he gave her dark curvy arse a firm squeeze with both hands. Sinistra quickly rose and walked to the door. Snape watched as she swayed her beautiful hips.

She looked over her shoulder and beckoned him with her finger. When he stood, there was a wobble, but he gained composure fast. After six, perhaps seven, Firewhiskeys, Snape hoped that he did not pass out when his head hit the pillow.

Lupin hoped that Snape was drunk enough to forget what he said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8 - is half done.
> 
> Kudos, comment and share :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you.  
> Kudos, comment and share :)


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